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Summary of Question:	Re: Help
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 6/07/2001 12:39 PM MDT

dear virji,

thanks, for your help....but thing is whenever i tell him i wont do such a thing he starts shivering...all think he is not feeling well....i canttell anyone hwat the problem is ...and when my husband or mother i law ak him why he is tensed he says that I am not adjusting in the family and I am cre4ating problems....it is causing tension in the family...i do not know what to do....
regards,

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Dear One, he has a major problem. The answer is NOT for you to do what he wants. You are not creating problems, he is; he sounds like he has an unhealthy infatuation that causes him to lose control-- it is either genuine or his drive to control you is so great that he gets tense when you refuse to be controlled. Either way, the situation could be dangerous. You must, I think, tell your husband, since your mother-in-law will not believe you. I am aware of your position, but it is WRONG to succumb! It will, I promise make things much worse than if you force the issue open!

You cannot bear this burden alone, it will drive you to poor health. Let him shiver. You are unfairly taking blame for this situation. You must stand up for the truth and right now you are telling me you cannot because you don't want to rock the boat. He has already rocked it. Stand up for the truth and let the Guru wash the lies away. Since he will not, it is up to you. Remember that God protects the honor of His saints. Be strong!
-DKK





I am a married person and need urgent help....my husband and me are into a very good relationship...both of us respect my inlaws and give them love and care..now the problem is that my fatherinlaw has fallen in love with me and he wnats me to do the same...its a strange thing..but true...i dont know what to do...he threatens me of killing himself if i tell anyone else...and i cant help without telling...pls help...

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REPLY
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Dear One:
Sat Siri Akal. My first advice is from now on NEVER go to see your inlaws without your husband present, and don't allow yourself to ever be alone in a room with your father-in-law. It will prevent possibility of rumors, AND it is a guarantee of your physical safety. If you & your husband have a such a great relationship, then tell him the problem and let him (also) intervene. He is being wronged as much as you, and by his own father. It might be that if your husband does intervene, your in-law may try to tell him you have flirted with him (the in-law) and you must tell your husband to be aware of this.

DO NOT DO NOT fall for your in-law's statement about suicide. He is 'guilt-tripping' you. When someone takes their life, that person alone is responsible, and that person starts his existence over. I really doubt he would take his life if you flat out tell him to get lost. This man is merely trying to get you into his bed, and he will say whatever he wants to you to succeed.

If you feel you cannot tell your husband, then write a letter and tell your father-in-law that there is NO WAY you are going to betray yourself, your husband, or him and your mother-in-law. KEEP A COPY OF THE LETTER (in a safe place.) Tell him if he really wants to take his life over you, that is his problem. You must not make it your problem by falling for his threats. I am thinking you should refuse to go there at all. I am more concerned for your safety than his when you tell him NO WAY.

There is no way to keep you & your husband's relationship with his parents smooth; your father-in-law has ruined it now, whether he knows it or not. This is going to make things very rocky, but your FIRST duty is to your husband and HIS first duty is to you. You married the Guru, who made you two as one.

You must tell someone, dear. You cannot resolve this burden alone. Guru bless and protect you always.
-DKK