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Summary of Question:	I've Been Acting Really Strange Lately....
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 5/19/2001 11:19 PM MDT

This is kinda hard to explain because I don't even understand it myself.. I used to do paat and I was usually optimistic about everything, I had a happy outlook on my future and life in general. BUT lately things have slowed down so much in every aspect, and I'm so confused and careless about everything. I'm going into grade 11 next year, and my parents want me to leave my current school and go into a private school, because they want me to have a good future, go to university, get a good career, blah blah blah.. And I care more about graduating with people I've actually KNOW and who I can relate to, but if I switch schools I'm going to have to start all over again. ALSO, I have no idea what I want to go into, and thinking about it has gotten me more depressed for some reason. I wouldn't want my parents spending so much money on private school if in the end I don't even go into a high-paying job. Sure I might have the ability, but I just don't have any clue what to do or where I'll be happy at, I don't want to grow old and be a housewife without any say or importance...

I just don't feel anything anymore. I don't think I'm totally SAD or anything, but just not very happy either, and I don't have any hope for the future. I was usually very happy doing paat and it gave me inner strength and the will to make the right decisions about everything. But nowadays I don't even have a yearning for God, or a calling inside me.. I know it sounds bad but I don't know what's happening to me, it's like I'm without emotions, and just lost.. I think about everything and I WANT OUT... thats all i can say.

It feels like my "tenth door" is closed, and I don't feel anything. It's strange because I'm rarely ever like this, it's just been happening over the past few weeks. I feel like I'm missing SOMETHING but I don't know what it is, I have a thirst, a hunger for something.. I'm totally confused about my future and I have no hope, and lately I've ALWAYS felt tired and lazy, and I've been negative about everything. I'm too caught up in pride to ask anyone for help, and I hate being dependant on others too.. Even bad comments don't hurt me anymore, that's one good thing that came out of this. I'm too strong to cry now, it's just a waste of time.

PLEASE help me if you can, because at times I feel like I don't even know myself... Thank-You very much

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Reply
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You are your Guru's Sikh, dear one. Your relationship with him is between you and him. No one else.

You have shut yourself down as a defense mechanism because you feel that you cannot go against your parents wishes, so you have numbed yourself to avoid your feelings. It is called a "cold despression".

Your destiny is already written on your forehead. All you have to do is live it. That means that you have to be true to yourself, your values and your own consciousness.

When you feel confused and have no hope, that is the time to do Rehiras. When nothing seems to satisfy you, that is the time to do Tav Prasad Swaye. When your Soul feels sad and your mind is negative, recite Japji in the depth of your inner self.

The answer is not outside you. It is inside you. Do at least these three banis each day. Don't read mechanically, like a chore. Read ALOUD and listen to the sound of your own voice and let it resonate within you.

Let the Guru solve this. As the Nike commercial says - "Just DO it."

Do it for 120 days and watch what happens. Please write back at any time during this process and let me know how you are doing.

Thank you.

All love and blessings to you in the Name of the Guru, the Light of every Sikh.

.....G