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Summary of Question:	Sister's Boyfriend
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 4/12/2003 3:18 PM MDT

Hello, i have a major problem.......

My father is a single dad, and he has raised the three of us, on his own. Im a 19 year old girl, with an older brother and younger sister. THe problem is that my younger sister has a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend, or a girlfriend in my brother's case, it doesnt bother my dad. Its just that if i have a boyfriend my dad has to approve of him, and he did, but my younger sister's boyfriend isnt approved of, and she wont let go of him. He has his own place and is two years older than her. He works at a minimum paying job, and doesnt go to school. He has no respect for himself or anybody else. My dad is fed up with this relationship, and my sister wont listen to him. She threatens my dad that if he persists she well move out and live somewhere else, even though she is still 17. So, what my dad did is thought about kicking her out of the house as soon as possible. It is very hard for me and my brother to be here, we wanna help out our sister but we dont wanna hurt our father in the same time. Sometimes we have to stay up til 3 am just so we can get my sisters phone call and pick her up from her bf's, so she arrives home safely. Its hard, because i go to college, and my brother has to work in the morning. Im afraid my father will kick my sister out, and neither of them will listen to me or my brother on what to do. WHat should I do?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I'm sorry, but in this case, I think I have to agree with your Dad. Your sister is very young, and to have a relationship with someone whom you say "has no respect for himself or anyone else" makes me think that she is asking for a great deal of pain and suffering in the future. Meanwhile, you are supporting her and ruining your own life to help her in an affair that is definitely not appropriate nor desirable --except in her emotions! Where is the grace? Where is the commitment toward marriage from this man? What would be her future with him? What should you do? How about trying to talk some common sense into your sister, and suggest she cool it for a while with this boyfriend. If he really loves her, he should be willing to wait until she's at least 18 and give her a chance to finish school, and he should be doing something to improve his station in life. How will they raise children? I understand you love your sister, but sometimes you have to stop "pleasing" those you love, in order to do what's best for them. Having sex before marriage may be very typical of the current trend, but it's certainly not what a Sikh woman is supposed to be doing! That having been said, any young girl who has sex before marriage is sellling herself cheap, I'm sorry to say -- and later in life she will regret it. The value of virtue is real, and it may not be "popular" -- but it's powerful! I wish you and your family well, please try to keep your sister from ruining her life, and don't mess up your own life because of her. Do any of you read the banis and try to understand the teachings of our Guru? do you ever think about the purpose of life? (It's NOT for physical and emotional gratification at the expense of everything else!) Blessings, SP