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Summary of Question:Interfaith Relationships And Divorce
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Monday, 1/29/2001 2:29 PM MST

I wrote to your forum several months ago regarding a developing relationship with a male friend who is Sikh. The question I asked was about how I should behave in this friendship, as it became increasingly clear that we are both interested in taking this friendhip further, and because I am Catholic while he is Sikh. The advice given was that this relationship could develop in a wholesome way with the ultimate goal of marriage as long as we both kept our graceful distance, physically and emotionally, and we have, and that I take a genuine interest in his religion.


I have questions about two things: First, I have read recent responses to questions on your forum that state that it's best for a Sikh to marry another Sikh, and that is in contrast with what I have read before -- that it is the quality of the individual and her devotion to achieving spiritual unity and Sikhism through the marriage that is what matters. Could you please help in clearing this up for me?

Secondly, as long as you do not disapprove of interfaith marraige, I have another question. In the months since I have known this man, I have learned that he has already been married once. His first wife was also Sikh, and he chose to marry her out of a sense of obligation to his family and faith. His wife did not love him, she readily admits, and did not try to make the marriage happy or peaceful for either of them. He is presently separated and in the midst of a divorce, and I know this failure has been very difficult for him. The feelings I believe he has for me, a western woman who is not of his own faith, probably make this an issue even more difficult to reconcile. I have not responded to his attempts of pursuit, since I do not want my presence to futher confuse him. Yet at this point, I know that his marriage has ended, and I know that he is interested in me in a respectful way, and I must admit that I also have strong feelings for him. What should I do?

Please advise. I thank you for your help.
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Reply
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It is truely a unique attitude in a religion to wish well to all and to care for all God's creation in your actions. This is an active quality and practice in Sikhee. Guru Nanak, our founder and first teacher said "there is no Hindu there is no Muslim there is only one creation". Therefore, if you can accept that you are not a Catholic, but a creation of the Loving kind Creator....and you were created perfectly...for how could the Perfect Creator make anything imperfect? Then you should do fine!

Really tune into the teachings of the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. They are a very simple and direct experience of your God consciousness. This is a modern faith and lifestyle. However many Sikh born people have very little understanding of the power of this way of life.

This path to God consciousness is one that a person of any religion can benefit from. If you are free enough in your life experience to want a greater experience of God's unchanging "truth" then, you will do fine. Try reading Jaap Ji at: http.www.sikhnet.com/s/gurugranthsahib. It is in English. Read it out loud every morning for the next 90 days. Listen to your words and try to deeply understand what you are saying. This will give you great wisdom and insight into life.

Do not underestimate the ramification's of your friend's dissappointment with his first marriage. It is normal for a Sikh to have the famly arrange their marriage. And sometimes they do not turn out. Reputation is so very important in this way of life.

Again, proceed slowly and cautiously. This man may be appreciating you in this painful process...but do not assume too much. There is a lot to learn about the Sikh family as well as the teachings of the Siri Guru Granth Sahib.

Reading the "Jaap Ji" every day will give you a lot of answers that you are seeking. God bless you on your path.




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