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Summary of Question:	What Am I Supposed To Say?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 5/08/2002 1:33 PM MDT

ok, i am in the prediciment of a life time, you will have to excuse me if this is too long.

i am 18 years old, i am a sikh who has kept his beard, i wear the 5 k's, i am not amrit dhari but i intend to one day, i dont eat meat, i dont drink any alcahol, i dont even eat products with egg in. i do paat (japji sahib, rehras paat, choupoi, kirtan sohila, ardaas). i do all of this in the name of sikhi and because i have such a love for my religeon.

well, the problem is, my mum is finding it hard to find me a rishta. without blowing my trumpet, i get alot of offers from families, but the problem is she is so scared that i may get engaged to someone who does not except the values i have, or that she may not except me for what i do. i am a very bubly person, i am very active, i like having a laugh basicly i am still a normal guy but i still have very very strong beliefs.

recently she has done my sisters wedding, she has done alot of paat to make sure she got the right person for my sister. she got married in india and they are both living here. but something has gone wrong, he has changed from a real nice guy to someone of pure hatred, he treats my sister and my parents wrong. my mum thinks that someone has done something i.e. black magic to him and i think i feel the same. now that he is acting like this my mum blames herself for it. she thinks it is her fault that he is being like this and he chose wrong, to be honest she did not. it was not her fault. and as a loving son to her i am so worried.

the other sub-problem being that yesterday i went to my cousins paat for his wedding and everyone was trying to get me introduced to this girl there, i actualy liked her but my mum is weary because her family is not as religeos as mine and she thinks that they may not respect my attitudes and values.

so thats that, so what i need to know is,

1) how do i proove to my mum or convince her it is not her fault about my brother in law?

2) what do i do about the whole finding someone woth the same values as me, how do we go about it?

(on an unrelated but important subject) 3) where can i take amrit and when? i have been to a couple of gurudwaras and they dont do the amrit ceremony everyday.

please respond, i really need some help.

thank you

wjkk wjkf

(REPLY)

Wahe Guru Ji ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji ki Fateh! When you think about what that means, especially the second part: "All victory belongs to Wahe Guru" I think you will have the solution to one of your questions. (How to make your mom feel better.) None of us is responsible for any other person's actions! Parents usually have an extreme sense of responsibility, and to a certain extent, that is good and necessary, so that we do the very best we can to raise our children to be righteous human beings. Your mom has to realize that having done her best to find the right husband for your sister, there is/was nothing more she could have done. Now, however, she can pray very hard for the marriage to be harmonious and happy. And in her (and your) prayers, send this man love and bless him so that these positive prayers can reach his soul -- and hopefully change his outer self back to what he was.) If possible, your mum should read from Siri Guru Granth Sahib daily every day. Our Guru gives us the real perspective on life and relationships, reminding us that God is truly the Doer of everything. Also, has anyone actually spoken to your brother-in-law, or his family about his behavior?

As for your second question, finding the right wife for you, this shouldn't be impossible -- because you know exactly what you want in a wife, and certainly by interviewing some girls, your mum (and you?) can ask about her beliefs, commitment and practice. Is there someone in your community that helps arrange such marriages? The two families need to meet, too, of course. You are only 18, so I think there's time, so don't worry -- the right person will come along.

Regarding taking Amrit, I know where and when it can be taken in the United States, but I don't know where you are! Usually in many places, it is given on Baisakhi Day, and that is the case here in Los Angeles. Also, in New Mexico, during out Summer Solstice celebration there is an Amrit Ceremony. Let us know where you are, so we can help you find the panj to administer Amrit. It would be great if there were some girl also taking Amrit at the same time! Who knows?

Sending you and your family the best blessings with love, SP