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Summary of Question:	Is There Life After Looing A Child
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 9/15/2002 5:05 PM MDT

My girlfriend and I lost her 16 yr old son to cancer in May. It has been very hard on both of us. We have had many agruments sence this has happened. We love each other and care about each other so much. Although at times it is very hard to deal with one another. We had a lot of plans. Such as we want to have a child, get married, and live the happy life. The problem is we live 3 hours apart. She was going to move up here this way I wouldn't have to leave behind my daughter from a previous marrage. After loosing her son she has died inside herself. By this I she is mean to me tells me she needs to deal with this herself without help. This scares the hell out of me because of the thoughts that are going on in her head. All plans that we had are on hold untill she says differently, I wasn't given a choice. Its all about her. I loved her son so much and I was holding him in my arms when he died. She doesn't think I could understand. I took care of him did everything with him including giveing up months wourth of time with my oun daughter which was very hard for me to do. I would like to know how I can get my girlfriend to look at life again and to be happy with it. She thinks she is being punished for something. I know this is not true. Could you help me understand so that I can get her headed back to the good things in life?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. What a terrible loss you both have suffered. It is probably the most traumatic thing a mother can endure, losing a child. And you are suffering too. My deepest sympathy. The mother's reaction is not unusual under such circumstances, and I can only hope and pray that she will get some professional grief counseling. Grief has stages that have to be gone through, and that takes time. However, with a combination of grief counseling (and you might search for grief support groups on the internet) and an attempt to understand and accept God's will, as cruel as it may seem to have been, she may return to herself sooner. After all, no one lives or dies except by the will of God. And this young boy was called Home by the giver of life. Of course we grieve, of course we mourn, but the departed soul, through the mothers prayers, and the chanting of AKAL - we pray has gone back to God, free of pain, free of suffering, and karma paid. You can find comfort by chanting DHAN DHAN RAM DAS GUR shabd, and callling on the Lord of Miracles to help the situation. Be patient, kind and loving, and may your faith inspire your fiancee to turn to the Guru for comfort. Blessings, SP