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Summary of Question:	Extramarital Affair
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 4/14/2001 5:44 AM MDT

Dear moderatorji,

This is a very personal question that has been bothering me for some time & would like to ask you the answer fot it.
I have been married for quite some time & have 2 grown up children But my marriage has been bad from the word go.
I was an amritdhari girl when i got married & the person who got us married said that the boy would take amrit & then sit for marriage but that will never happen.Will have to wait for eternity for things to change.
The man i am married to is a good human but he & me are poles apart.He has no respect for my parents & his parents are a troulblesome lot.They are very controlling & interfering & he is totally under their thumb.Though of late he has started to feel that they are wrong but doesn't have the guts to stand up to their torture.They have tourtured me & my kids mentally & through their son, physiaclly as well.He ( my Husband) drinks & then looses all control & then when i question him about his drinking he abuses me or shouts at me,he used to hit me as well earlier but that has stopped now.He is very short tempered as well & so am i.My kids have suffered as well, they have seen a lot of fights between him & me & are now staying with my parents away from us, in india.
my question is that because of this bad marriage i have slipped.I have had emotional friendships with men outside my marriage which have gone only uptil they kissing me & nothing more.I am not justifying what i have done. I agree that i have gone wrong but now this is killing me.I did not encourage these men but since i was friendly with them & spoke about my problems with them it grew from casual friendship into something deeper like dependency on them to solve my problems or someone to lean on during my times of depair.i would like to know if & when i do tkae amrit again do i have to own up to this?I cannot do this in front of everyone or anyone9Face to face)& if i can take amrit alone without my husband?How can I change my husband to take amrit as well.I would like him to take the amrit as well.Inspite of all this i realise that i would like to change him & go on with my life.
Please help me.
I am on constant trouble with my self,
absoltely worried soul
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Reply
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Dear one. The affair that you are describing is a "mental flirtation". You really do not need to retake "amrit". However, if you wish to use this opportunity to make a change and this will help you, then do it and take Amrit again.

When you go to retake Amrit, you will be speaking only with the Punj Piare, not in front of anyone else.

Your marriage and separation has been emotionally very trying. It is good that you can wish well for your husband. He should also want to correct his life. The power of your prayer for him is very great. As God is the Doer of all, pray to God through the Guru for healing your marriage. You can recite "Sopurkh Nirinjan harpurkh Nirinjan Har agamaa agam apaar.....................(And so forth). This prayer can be found in Rehiras Sahib. Recite this 11 times a day for 90 days for your husband and do it 11 times a day for the same 90 days for yourself. So, you will be reciting "Sopurkhs" for 22 times a day.

As an Amritdhari Sikh of the Guru, remember that all happens "according to God's will". When you feel bitter or worried, that is the time to recite your bani. Give up your expectations and simply become absobed in love for God and Guru. This is your chance to find happiness and healing for yourself, and for your children. Focus on healing your own heart for your own self and for your children and their happiness of life. If your husband can be moved then God will handle this too. Be a beautiful and obedient princess of the Guru and live in the Grace and serenity of your mother, Mata Sahib Kaur.

God bless you and keep up! SKKK