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Summary of Question:	Father Drinks
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 2/11/2001 10:08 AM MST

hi

Since I have dicovered this website ,I have been very intrigued to learn
more about the sikh religion.
I am studying at uni but I'm going through some difficulties, I do not drink
or smoke but I do eat meat and I have a haircut.
My father wears a turban and he drinks and I continoulsy have fights with him
about him drinking alchol , he says he can't give up
can u please help me and suggest ways that I can help him to stop intoxicating
his body with drink, he does not drink everyday but about 3 times a week.
This is an excellent site and it has already helped me out
thank you
keep up the goodwork

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REPLY
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Dear Lin Ji:

Sat Siri Akal. Bless you for caring so much to try to help your father live his Rehit.

I could not tell if you believe or know your father to be clinically alcoholic or what. My reply assumes that he is.

What is generally accepted by/about alcoholics/heavy drinkers is that the one doing the drinking has to First: WANT to stop drinking, and Second: Take responsibility himself (or herself) for finding help to stop drinking. This means that your father has to get to this place himself. Whatever your father's exact situation, he does not feel inspired enough to live fully as a Gursikh. As with my explanation below, he has to WANT to live like that before he will stop drinking. Fighting and guilt-tripping will not get him there.

But you could let him know that you find it difficult to be in his presence when he drinks. I would add that whatever your current spiritual practice, you pray to God & Guru that he get to this point himself. You also might try asking him quietly why he drinks and still calls himself a Sikh? I am not trying to inflame here; I am suggesting that you ask him how he lives with these contradictions, because (1) you will learn a great deal about him and (2) it may help him change. But you must not be attached to results of any of your efforts, as much as you love your father. Sometimes we can do little but pray while we watch those we love let themselves (and sometimes others) down. So however you decide to serve him, turn the RESULTS over to God and let Him take care of it in His time.

Meanwhile, keep setting the example for him by not drinking (as you have been doing). Also, I suggest you explore this Web site for "Alcoholics Anonymous". http://www.aa.org/
You will find they have a link for "International General Service Office" (I cannot tell where you live.) You will find much information here that is of help.

Guru bless & protect you all,
-DKK