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Summary of Question:	Love Before Marriage Possible?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 10/06/2001 5:32 AM MDT

waheguru ji ka khalsa

waheguru ji ki fateh
this forum has given me very satisfactory answers in the past and i am sure even this one will be answered to guide me. i am an amrithari sikh following all rehat maryada since many years now.i am proud to be a sikh and would want to stay this way forever. i have read almost all the questions about love before marriage and everywhere i get the feeling that it is being told that love towards opposite sex is wrong according to our religion. i know there is difference between just a crush or temporary love and actual love for someone.but still if the people in love are mature, take time to test their love,refrain from any physical contact and are willing to go with family about their relationship then what's wrong in feeling strongly about a man or woman as long as they remain in limits and respect and honour each others grace. i know that i love GOD....i feel love for waheguru and its creation but in everyones life there comes someone special with whom you want to share ur life following all the guidelines of
sikh religion.i know it has to be mature and not just impulsive but still true love is possible..isnt it? and if one is in such love then is it wrong according to sikhi??.....we should not forget gurus words at any stage i agree with this.but i think still loving someone and wanting to be someones life partner is not something whcih our relgion forbids.
please guide me as i am in love with a sikh girl whom i havent even seen once.she is not amrithari but wants to take amrit.we just met on internet and have known each otrher for more than 1.5 years now..we feel strongly towards each other.and have decided to keep loving each other and try our best for our uninion some day with blessings of our parents and God. i have decided to give a chance to this relationship and to also let it go through the test of time and see if it is really true.but one thing i know is that i love this girl.and she loves me too. please answer my question seeing from my point of view ..your answer is very important as it could make a difference in my life.
waheguru ji ka khalsa
waheguru ji ki fateh
thanks and regards
harminder singh

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REPLY
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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Dear Harminder Singh Ji;

Many of the queries about love in this Forum are from people who have NEVER experienced love, lust, or 'a crush' and so part of what we are trying to do as moderators is keep people from straying off the path of Dharma for a mere crush or for certain heartbreak.

I believe true love is possible in any situation, period. I think that YOUR approach to your internet girlfriend is OK, since you want to engage your families in the process and make it one that is acceptable to both sides. I also very much appreciate what you said about:

"but still if the people in love are mature, take time to test their love,refrain from any physical contact and are willing to go with family about their relationship then what's wrong in feeling strongly about a man or woman as long as they remain in limits and respect and honour each others grace. "

I think that is VERY well said.

Guru did not tell us NOT to love. He told us NOT to be so attached that we put spouse, children, relatives, money, etc. BEFORE Guru and God. So both of you should honor the Guru in your lives together, and make Naam simran, bani, and seva part of your lives together.

Remember that it is GURU that brings you together and keeps you together. Happiness is the birthright of each person. TRUE happiness comes through a positive relationship to God & Guru, but if you both have that and you get along besides, then your relationship with each other is likely to reflect that happiness AND grow. Happiness in a relationship comes from MUTUAL respect and give&take in all aspect of the relationship.

Guru told us that lust is wrong, but he did not mean we should not love or make love with our spouses. What he meant is the kind of lust that makes one run after people who are NOT your spouse, and Guru meant that lust that takes over your thoughts (married or not) is wrong. LUST is not sex. Lust is really about sex without commitment and love. There is a difference. So, my point here is that being IN LOVE with a spouse or someone you hope to make your spouse, and honoring that person's grace and virtue until marriage are NOT wrong. Good gracious, if Guru hadn't given us sexual attraction we'd all be celibate and never marry or have children.

One last thing: Siri Guru is FULL of references to the love of God as that between the Husband and Soul-bride, and many of them are rather suggestive (See Shabd Hazaray in Nitnaym for starters). You know, God is in ALL people. So, when you make love to your spouse, you are making love to God, and when one thinks like this in loving, that can hardly be called lust.

Guru rakha,
-DKK