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Summary of Question:	Marrying A Divorced Man
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 6/25/2003 8:17 AM MDT

Last week my parents met my friend in the Gurdwara. he is sikh and amrit dhari. My parents were impressed by him and wanted to know more about him, i told them everything they asked beside his past. The same day my friend was having a kirtan at his house and he invited us, me and my mom went. My mom talked to his mom about marriage and his mom told her that he is married and going through separation. When my mom came to know this she was not happy. I knew this will happen because this is expected from them.

When i first met Gurjot he openingly told me everything about his status and the reason he is separating. To me his past doesnt matter, he was in a relationship it didnt work out. Now a days everyone has a past just because he was married is a concern for my parents. After knowing this they dont agree to him anymore. they are telling me that there is nothing wrong with me i can marry any guy and what will people say they will say that there was something wrong with their daughter, they couldnt find a suitable match so they married her to a divorced man. My parents told me to forget about him. I am keeping faith in God because he is all mighty what is he going to do next no one knows. I am hoping that my parents will agree to him later.
I dont want to do anything to hurt my parents but i also cant let go of Gurjot. This morning when i was reading aanad sahib paath all of sudden i started to cry. I dont know what to do i am stuck in the middle on one side i have my parents and on the other the man i love. Please help me any advice would be helpful and also if you can recommend a paath that will help me with my situation would be great. thank you

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I am not recommending a paath to you, but I am recommending some other things. Your parents do have reason to be concerned. Don't just get caught up in the romance and attracting to Gurjot. He may be the perfect person for you, but there is nothing wrong with doing some investigation yourself. You don't want to be his second divorce, right? I would talk to him extensively about why it didn't work out with his first wife. And if possible,I would talk to his first wife, even if just by the phone or email. What you need to know about him, probably noone could tell you better than she can. Afterall, she did live with him and saw him in his best and worst. Ask him lots of questions about marriage. How does he feel about children, child raising, housework, indipendent wives, working wives, sex...all those mundane things which come after the romance wears off. Don't be starry eyed. This is for the rest of your life...or so you hope and assume. Don't assume anything. Just remember, it is NEVER one person's fault that there is a divorce, and if he tries to blame it all on his ex-wife, beware. If he is not willing to admit his mistakes with her, he will not admit his mistakes with you. If he is humble and willing to admit that he made mistakes and has learned from those mistakes, then maybe his first marriage will make him a better husband for his next marriage. So, be smart, not naive. Reassure your parents that you are taking a realistic look at this guy. They just want the best for you. GTKK