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Summary of Question:	Confused And Lost ~ Seek Advice
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 4/02/2003 4:33 PM MDT

Hi, I’ve been wanting to pour my heart out, but I didn’t know whom I should talk to for advice. Then, I found this website. My problem may not be appropriate to be posted here, but I don’t know where else to go.

I like a guy, he’s an Indian and a Sikh. And the wonderful thing is that he likes me too and would like a chance to be with me. We go to the same school and in the same class. The problem is that I’m neither an Indian nor a Sikh. My parents are very conservative and totally against interracial dating. They want to keep our culture alive forever.

My parents wouldn’t let me see him after I told them that I would like to date him. They even booked a ticket for me to go back to my home country. I was so sad and confused. I didn’t want to go, I knew that if I left, I would never see him again. So, I went to a temple (I’m a Buddhist) and made a promise in front of Buddha saying that if He’d just let me see that guy again, I’d never date him. I’d rather not date him at all than never to see his face again. After going through a lot arguments with my parents, they decided to let me go back to that school under two conditions, that is never to date him and to stay as far away as possible from him. And then, of course, there’s that promise that I have to keep.

The guy kept asking why we couldn’t be together. And I kept giving him a non-satisfactory answer. One day, I decided to tell him part of the “story”. I told him that there was a major problem at home and that I made a promise to Buddha that if the problem was resolved, I'd never date him. I never told him what the problem was. I’m afraid that he would be offended. I feel guilty of not telling him the whole thing (I don't know why), but on the other hand, I want what happened between me and my parents to be kept between me and my parents only. What should I do? Should I tell him?

One more thing, my head keeps on thinking of dating him behind my parents’ back and I can’t stop that. Is this wrong? I love my parents very much and they’ve sacrificed a lot of things for me, but he is also the first man who ever made me feel the way that I do now.
And what if one day, I really did break my promise to Buddha and date him. What consequences do I have to bear from a Sikh point of view?

Please tell me what to do. I am very lost. 

Thank you very much in advance

(REPLY) Sat Nam. (That means "God's Name is Truth" and "Truth is your Identity"). Speaking of Truth, I believe honesty is the best policy, and so I really think you should tell the boy about your parents objecting to interracial dating. I assure you, he will understand! Usually it is the Sikh parents who object! (And his probably would if they knew about you. You say he is "The first man who ever made me feel the way that I do now." Has he expressed any similar feelings about you? Or is this just a fantasy? Yes, there's nothing like "first love." The problem is that it's so emotional, and usually so mixed up with hormonal reaction at your age, that it seems like the most important thing on Earth -- now. Time will prove that it is not. You have not only promised your parents not to date this man, but you promised Buddha. How can you break those promises? There's really nothing to be confused about-- you've already determined what you have to do, and that is NOT to go out with this boy. I know it is painful, and you'll feel sad, but I also know you'll get over it. Focus your attention on your studies, join some clubs, spend time with friends, and try to get your priorities in order. Relationships are all temporary, and they are NOT the purpose of life. Get in touch with your soul, study the teachings of the Buddha and apply them to your life. Remember, you don't want to break a vow, that would make you feel worse than anything! God bless you, and give you the moral courage and strength to act righteously. SP