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Summary of Question:	Can You Help Me?
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 8/11/2001 4:31 AM MDT

My name is Harpal Singh.I'm 12 years old.I'm trying to do praises of God

and do good deeds.Though i have a problem.I'm getting bullied.I would
rather teach him right than to report him.I'm too scared to tell
anybody.Sir,would you be so kind to give me some advice of what i should
do.
p.s. Your website is brilliant.An inspiration to all people.

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REPLY
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Dear Harpal Singh--
Sat Siri Akaal Ji. Bullies in our lives are part of karmas, and they remind us to stand up for ourselves. It is unfortunate though, that many bullies don't stop until they are defeated, and some never do. For some, the more you stand up for yourself, the more they bully you. Bullies have a deep need to feel better than others. Probably this kid's parents are unkind to him or are also bullies. He acts as he has been taught. He may feel shame because of his home life, and build himself up by bullying others. It actually helps to know one's motivation in order to know how to best deal with it. "Know thy enemy". I might also add that young boys and old men usually relate to other boys/men in terms of power-based relationships, so in some way you have to mark your space and stand your ground.

To teach him right will depend on the nature of his bullying: is it because you are small, Sikh, smarter, etc? Your response must be equal to his. If you are physically hassled by this person, you have the right as a Sikh to defend yourself to the best of your ability. But you must not, as Sikh, attack first, only defend.

If he verbally torments you, you have to decide if anything you say back will (1) lower yourself to his level and/or (2) aggravate the situation; do you want either? If he slanders you, bless him for taking on your karma, and (simply put) making your life better. Of course, you can respond in kind, but do so to the point and very accurately. Sometimes one sharp word that hits home like a dart to bullseye can shut someone up.

Bullies have a remarkable ability to know the weaknesses of those they target. So ask yourself what in your young projection bugs him? Is it because you believe in doing good? Don't stop that by any means, but consider strengthening yourself by study of martial arts of some kind. By this you will learn not only how to defend yourself and others in bad situations, but your projection and demeanor will grow to reflect your confidence in yourself and your ability to handle bullies. This can often keep them away. I have seen it.

Guru Gobind Singh said that "when all other means of persuasion have failed, it is justifiable to take up the sword." If it comes down to fisticuffs with this person, I recommend you have friends/allies with you who might also have been hassled by this person, and then simply put him in his place, once, cleanly. I don't mean mortally or permanently wound him! I mean defeat him in such a way that he doesn't bully you again. It's a test, but you want to win it righteously.

You might find you have to report him. You might find that he needs to know not to mess with a Sikh. I cannot tell you exactly what to do, but I hope this response has given you food for thought. Remember that when Sikhs fought for our faith, we did so in self-defence. This is what governs a Sikh. Not attacking, but defending, standing up for oneself and one's principles.

PS: Keep doing good deeds and praising God. I recommend you also do ardaas and read hukum from Siri Guru on this matter.

Guru rakha,
-DKK