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Summary of Question:Why Did He Come In My Life?
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Wednesday, 7/28/2010 10:26 PM MDT

Waheguru ji ka khalsa,

Waheguru ji ki Fateh.

I hail from a traditional sikh family well settled in Australia. I have a question regarding arrange marriages and hair. Ok, My parents and extended family tried to arrange me with an awesome baptised boy from the U.S. I am not baptised and even my family is all mixed..some batised and some not.

Since all relatives were happy with both of us to get married, so he came to meet me in OZ. We chatted and spoke prior to his coming. We spent some time together and kept on seeing each other, in other family members presence offcourse for like 2 weeks for the time he was here. One condition that the boy's side had was for me to take amrit before marriage, without which they would not accept me and I had agreed to do that.

I had some facial hair which I got rid of by laser treatment like sometime back. I tried to live with it, but it wasn't easy. So, I thought if I get it lasered and then take amrit, that should be okay as its my happiness and my relationship with guru not anyone else's business.And at that time I had not even met him or even this marraige proposal was not even in question.

I didn't want to make a big fuss about the laser treatment with his family so I didn't tell anyone.

Everything seemed okay and I wanted to tell him only about laser as I didn't want to hide anything from him. But, as soon as I told him, he drifted away and rejected me. I feel gutted as I really liked him despite of few differences in our personalities. Now, he is part of the family and I know that I will be seeing him sometime again in life on family gatherings and stuff.

I couldn't live with myself not telling him about it, but I thought he would stay on my side and not ditch me as he did. I do not know why he did that. I am so pissed at myself and even my parents are angry as to why I told him. My parents never understand me and I only have guru ji as my friend, I do not have a huge social circle or people who I trust and talk things about. But I feel dispared due to all that has happened. Could you please guide me in the right direction so i can get my life back on the track.

Shall I never speak to him again? I want to get over him so I can make space for the right man who respects and accepts me the way I am. I became really good friends with him, but I always felt he didn't open his soul to me as I did to him. He was very protective about his feelings but he did tell me that he liked what went wrong? I hate this feeling as this whole thing took 7 months of my time and in the end it was a waste as I didn't get him despite liking hims so much....why is it so hard to find the right one these days.


Please help!


Sat Nam Dear,

It is always hard to find the right one and it is not at the same time.
I think you have answered your own question. You want a man who will accept you the way you are and treat you right. This boy left because he could not do that. You want someone who would open up his heart to you and he could not do that so he was not the right one.
Amrit allows removal of facial hair for a woman if that hair makes her look like a man. I don't know what is the extent of your hair removal, but what is done is done and you are not a worse person for it than you were before. Honesty is always the best thing.
Yes, sometimes you want to only present all of the positive things about yourself when you meet someone and not reveal your secrets until you know you have your trust established. But in the long run I believe you should be able to trust each other enough to share your deepest darkest secrets. Don't rush next time and start revealing your secret layers after you are already married.
Look for a more mature man who would take you as you are and love you for the princess you are. And I am sure that you suspect yourself that there is nothing actually wrong with you.

Good Luck,

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