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Summary of Question:	Older Man Diferent Cast
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 2/12/2002 12:42 PM MST

Hi I am a British Sikh currently studying at university,

I have a boyfriend who I love tremendously and would do anything for him. I even want to marry him, but my parents object because he is a different cast! Also because of his age. He is a Jatt and I am a tharkhan. He is 9 years older than me, but that is irrelevant , I love him the way he is. My parents are making my life hell at the moment and wont let me even see him anymore??!!
I wanted to know what Sikhism has to say about marriage of different casts and sex before marriage.
I am thinking of sleeping with him, and want to know if it is ok ..I mean if I am going to marry him, then it should be ok right??
(REPLY) Well, I'm going to be blunt. First of all, concern about castes is a cultural issue, and it outdated and meaningless to anyone who believes in what Guru Gobind Singh taught. All men are Singhs, all women are Kaurs. As for the age difference, that's an individual matter, and in some cases a marriage might be quite all right, it depends upon the maturity and experience and character of the two people. As for sex before marriage, don't be foolish! You "may" marry him or not, the sex act is a sacred union, and although present day modern society ignorantly accepts pre-marital sex as OK, it really isn't. A woman can get pregnant, no matter how much precaution is taken, and then what? A forced marriage? Not only that, but if a man is really committed to you, he will honor you by waiting for marriage, so that you truly can become, as the Guru explains, two bodies with one soul. There's nothing wrong with sex, it's a wonderful experience, but when there is any guilt associated with it -- which there would be for you -- it pollutes what should be a marvelous, delightful merging not only of bodies , but of souls. Don't mess up your life. Are you old enough to legally marry without parently consent? Do your parents have any other objections to this man? Without knowing more, that's about all I can say, except very possibly your parents can see more problems for you in future if you marry this man, and hopefully, they have your best interests at heart. Have faith in God and Guru, and what is best for you will come to you. blessings, SP