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Summary of Question:	Kindly Reply
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Friday, 9/20/2002 5:18 PM MDT

Sat shri Akal ji

This is 3rd time I am reposting the same question as It was not answered, please help me.
I am a 23 year old married woman,basically from india.I have also emailed you earlier with the subject Inlaws torture my problem is my inlaws are still torturing me & my husband is also not supprotive he does not even understand the reason of my sadness i am a very sensitive girl so i get moved by small things i cannot leave this place bcoz my own younger sister is to be married & if i get divorced who will marry her.These people are toturing me so much although my mother inlaw is staying here illegally what should i do to make a complain so that she gets deported & no body comes to know that I made the complain that she is illegal otherwise these people will leave me forever & threaten my old parents back in India I want all this to happen in such a manner that nothing comes on me.I would also like to know that is it right morally that even if they are abusing me day & night I should keep my mouth shut also my father in law has filed an asylum although he has no threat in India.
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Reply
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It is against the law of this land and against the law of the Guru to abuse a wife or any woman. A woman is owed repect and consideration by the teachings of the Sikh Guru's. The practice of abusing and misusing, being rude to a daughter in law is corrupt and a sin.

I have a number of suggestions give you. Maybe one will be the right solution for you. Or try them all.

First, recite the Shabd "Bhand jamee-ai, bhand nimee-ai bhand manganaa vee-aaho....(Guru Nanak....in Asa Diwar) 11 times a day fornext 90 days.. You can find the music on Sikhnet Gurbani...and play it night and day.

2.I would arrange with my husband to go out to the Guru alone together and sit there take a hukam together and then explain how you need his help with the difficulties you are experiencing. Or go for a walk(just the two of you) and have a talk and ask for his help in solving the problems that your are experiencing.

3.If that cannot be done, then find a sympathetic older woman(auntie type) who will talk on your behalf to your inlaws.

4.Next is to talk to a respected but sympathetic Giani or Granthi and ask for intervention and help.

5.There are many womens' shelters and support groups that will give you counseling.... or if need be, give you sheltor.

6.Take a break and go away with your husband to visit your family.......or go on a vacation together.....or go home and take a break by yourself...and get someone respected person to speak on your behalf to these unreasonable people.

Bottom line is that your life should not be miserable. If you are being abused, then it is necessary for you to protect yourself and remove yourself from harms way. You take care of yourself and God will take care of you.

May God and Guru guide you to happiness and harmony.
SKKK