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Summary of Question:	Happiness Of Parents Or Faithful To Love?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 3/26/2001 11:06 AM MDT

Hi, i am a 20 year old sikh women, i am in college at the moment, my parents recently decided to find me a guy & get me engaged, i had a serious boyfreind at the moment who also is sikh. I didnt tell my parents, about him, but i did tell them i wasnt ready for the engagement, and they insisted that i am, and my mom has been my best freind, and i had sorta hinted to her that i have somone and she gave me a cold NO! meaning me & my bf wouldnt happen. I know he will marry me, i know that. But i went ahead with the engagement, and now my parents are on cloud 9!!! I have never seen them so happy & content, i love my parents, when they moved here 11 years ago, i know what they sacrificed for me. BUt the problem is i cant turn off my feelings for my bf, i dont know what happeened was right, but i cant get out of it, my fiance isnt sikh, but he is a great great man, n e gal be happy to be with him. BUt i havent a clue how to turn off my feelings for my boyfreind, our wedding wont be untill next year. Please i dontwa

nt to make a mistake, guide me on what i should do? ANd if there is any thing mentioned in the Granth SAhib which is relevant to this.
Sat shri Akaal
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Reply
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Blessings. You already made the mistake. You hinted rather than insisted that you had someone you wished for them to consider for your marriage and, you went ahead with an engagement without a clear mind.

You must tell your parents that you must break the engagement for 2 reasons; one is your fiance is not a Sikh, and the second reason is that you do not like him because there is someone else in your mind. The Guru will support you in this as I will quote for you. This is a question of your happiness and your future for the rest of your life. You can break an engagement, but once you are married there is no turning back.

The reference from Gurbani that you need is from Baba Sheik Farid: "Dilo mohabat jin sayee sacheyaa." Pg. 488 of Siri Guru Granth Sahib. Guru is saying,"that person is sweet only when what they speak they do". You must talk to your mother from your heart and explain to her that what you have in your mind is different from what you are proposing to do by being engaged to please them only. The Guru does support you in this.

You said that your mother is close to you like your best friend. You must talk to her and explain to her what is in your heart. It is NOT too late! I have the idea that you hesitated being honest with your parents for some reason of grace or honor. The truth is that you better be clear to yourself and your parents about your future and what you want in life. They will understand if you share honestly and patiently now.

God bless you and keep up. SKKK