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Summary of Question:	In Regard To Marriage
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 6/20/2009 3:52 PM MDT

Sat Sri Akal ji

i am a bit confused these days as my family is after me that i should get married however all of my friends in India and Uk are Scrued up after marriage after getting their feedback i am very terrified , when i get to know how Sikh girls are screwing up my friends who are like SAINTS !!!

I did my own analysis and find out that it is the Sikh Girls who are destroying Sikhism and Sikhs as they are going to be mother someday and Children always listen to their mother so they screw up children as well ?

I know few of my friends who are real gems and one of the guy is Project manager in a very big IT company he litrally cried in front of me that makes me very very scared & tensed now my family wants to hang me ????

And the misery is that there is no other way out if not now after some time i will be screwed up i am really worried!!

So can is marry A girl from other religion other than Sikh ?????

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REPLY
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Dear Jeet,

Your concerns about marriage are very valid. The truth to the matter is that it does not matter who you marry, you can still find yourself in a very undesirable situation in life. Be it a Sikh girl or someone else. People are people and all of these things you describe happen everywhere else too.

If you have a minute right now get a piece of paper and start writing everything you would want in your ideal partner. Keep in mind no person is perfect including you and me but we can come very close to getting what we want if we carefully take charge or our own life.

Think for a minute. Do you want this woman you would like to marry to be kind, caring, compassionate, understanding, flexible, supportive, loving, graceful … etc. Picture what that may be like. Try not to say things like: "I don't want her yelling at me all the time" but rather say: "I want my future wife to communicate with me in the most graceful way". Build your list from a positive pespective. Imagine how that person would respond in all of the horrible situations that life may serve you. Try to picture how your home life would be even if you had some difficulties to go through. Is she going to be screaming at you for every little thing or is she going to be behind you every step of the way?

The next step is to look at all those qualities on the paper and analyze your self to see if you have them too. What do you have to offer? Are you going to make someone’s life happy? It is easy to say that some friend of you is a jam, but does he know how to build a relationship he wants they way he wants it?

Chances are that you will not attract you ideal mate if your vibration is not set to those qualities. You will probably walk into this scary thing getting exactly what you do not want if the only things you have to offer are not on the ideal list.
If a man consciously works on himself and becomes all of the same things that he wants in his mate, he has a chance of maximizing his chances for happiness. Through working on himself he changes his vibration to a much higher one and is able to attract a very different mate into his life. There are no full guarantees but one thing is for sure is that you can chose to be happy in every situation.

If of course if you wake up one day and find yourself in a horrible marriage not knowing what to do there are still a few things to remember. One trick to know is that the only way to change the other person is through changing yourself. No screaming, ignoring, pushing away or demanding that the other person changes will ever help. But if you were to adopt an attitude or respect, caring and support you will eventually cultivate the same qualities in your partner. No woman over time could remain the same in the face of kindness. You have to remember what you want. You have to build a vision for yourself, your wife and your family and be the leader of it.

Communication is another great key to a happy marriage. Listen, listen, listen then talk, talk and talk. Find out what her visions are. Tell her all your visions even if at the time she does not understand what you are talking about. Listen to how she feels about things and let her know how they make you feel also. Help her bring her visions into life and let her know that you need her help manifesting yours. Find out what her needs are and see if you could fulfill them the best you can then communicate clearly about your needs and see if she can help you with them as well. Don't sacrifise but comprimise. Don't forget that we can't have everything at once all the time but we can strive for most imprtant things no matter what.

Take charge and build your own destiny.

There is power in every situation. Don’t ever forget that. If you want to be a king in your own home then keep the throne of respect, kindness and support no matter what with out most grace in a face of all adversities. You have to commit to it until the last breath in your body. This is where strengthening your spiritual commitment can help as well to build your character. Make her feel like she is your queen. Treat her as the person you would want her to be even if it will take her years to become that. Tell her that she is all those things already and you will manifest it. If you keep your throne strong enough you wife will step up and be your Queen in her own right. And your kids will follow your example. If this is what you want your kids to see and grow up with then that is what will happen, but you have to be very clear on it.
Marriage is all about patience, patience and more patience mixed with inexhaustible compassion, flexibility and compromise even in the worst of times.

A woman does not own the relationship or kids. It takes two people to build a marriage, make it last and be happy. It has to work for both. You have just as much power in it as she does.

One last thing to remember is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself and learning from your own mistakes is just as important as forgiving your partner and moving on. You have to sit down every once in a while and look at yourself very objectively. What kind of effect would you have on a woman? Don’t surround yourself with illusions of what life is whether they are good or bad take control over your own life and build your own happiness.

Every being has God’s light inside them. Your wife is just as part of God as you are. You have to learn to see that beyond everything else.

Good luck,

DK