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Summary of Question:Please Guide
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Sunday, 2/08/2009 4:39 PM MST


First of all, I must say Sikhnet is doing an awesome job, I visit Sikhnet every day, it has become the most significant part of my life.

I am a 22 year old girl living in Australia.

I met a Gursikh (27) man in a gurudwara here and we became good friends. He does Kirtan and asked me if I wanted to learn. I always wanted to sing Bani and was very happy that I was going to learn to sing Guru ji's Bani. Slowly and slowly, during Kirtan practices we became best friends. He told me he was engaged and didn't like the girl he's engaged with.

He asked me one day if I loved him and said that he loves me and likes everything about me. Even I was falling in love with him and told him that even I liked him.

He spoke to his family and other relatives and told them about us so that they could break the engagement. The girl's family never agreed and he had to marry her. He is now married for 7 months and I still talk to him.

I want to let go of this friendship and everything with him but he says if I did not talk him he will kill himself or do something wrong. I have tried to convince him thousand times but he doesn't listens. He says I am happy just talking to you, you are my best friend, just be my best friend for life. I don't want anything else from you, just don't break this friendship between us. And always talk to me.

He has even told his wife that he cannot break ties with me. I get confused sometimes and cry when I talk to him thinking what is the right thing to do, when I think that we shouldn't talk then such thoughts that he is my friend and I can't see him suffer engage my mind.

Sometimes I think of becoming friends with his wife as well and make it clear with her that her husband belongs to her and her only and he is just my best friend. I also think that I will also make it clear with the person I'll get married that he is my best friend and I can't break this bond.

If he is not allowing me to let go, could this be an option? If not, how should I convince him that we should not talk or cut off completely with each other. I have very very few friends may be just one or two whom I talk to, you know when I loved him he was everything to me, there are things which I told him and not even my mother or father and anyone.

He is very precious to me, I don't want him to suffer. If I don't talk to him and if he does something to himself then I won't be able to live. I have already suffered so much, not a day passes when I don't cry thinking of him, he could not fulfill any promises he made to me. I have forgiven him for everything for I know that at least he tried his best.

I tell him to talk just once a week with me but he calls everyday and when I don't pick up the phone he keeps on calling and eventually I have to talk to him. I can't block him, he is my friend.

Sometimes I think why did I even fell in love with him at least our friendship was safe.

Thanks a million again for doing the great Sewa by Sikhnet.


Guru Ang Sang

Dear one, He has NO power over you. You are a woman. Women are 11 times stronger than men. You allow him to overpower you because of you desire for appreciation and false admiration. But he is not an honest man. He could have broken off his engagement to this woman but he did not. Now he enjoys having a wife and also having you to dally around. Yet, you have nothing. He is NOT YOUR HUSBAND! You are flirting with your own mind. Read from the Guru in English and let the words of the Guru guide you in this. Your attachment and pride have obliterated your good sense. Get over him and move on. You are miserable and you are wasting your time. Be happy with yourself and leave this lying cheating man behind. You will have some man of calibre to marry if you only make the space. Love to you is only real when you love yourself enough to not allow this.
I love you and bless you,

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