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Summary of Question:	I Have No Respect Left For My Father
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Thursday, 11/01/2001 5:53 AM MDT

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fathe.

I would firstly like to thankyou for helping me with this question. I don't really know if its a question, I just had no one to turn to. I want to thankyou for being there.

I feel that I have lost all the respect that I had for my father. I was looking for something in his room and I stumbled across some pornographic videos. I feel that he is cheating on my mum and that he has no respect for me or her. I can't believe he would do this. I feel so disgusted, and I can't even stand the sight of him. What's worse is that he has done Amrit. I haven't done Amrit and I cut my hair and he looks down on me. I just see him as a hypocrite now, and feel that there are no decent men in the world. This really hurts I cant get it out of my mind. Am I over-reacting? How do I get it out of my mind?

I want to thankyou so much for your time.

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fathe.

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REPLY
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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
My condolences. What a horrible thing to find out, but clearly Guru wanted you to. It is up to you to confront him or not. There are good reasons both for doing so, and for not doing so.

You have to decide if your relationship to him is important. Do not mistake me here. Sometimes our karma with a parent or other blood family member is that we have to learn to detach and let go, not hang on just because of blood. So this is for you to consider. You have to decide if your mother already knows or is in denial or needs to know, and then think of THOSE consequences.

One thing I believe Guruji is saying to you is this: see how this person lives in a duality of breaking a vow while looking down on another (you) for not 'looking' Khalsa. The duality shows that your father is a very closeted individual who has not figured out a more enlightened way to deal with his urges. The answer is in Siri Guru: meditate meditate meditate. Does he meditate?

Guruji is asking you, through your father: is this how YOU want to live? What kind of duality are you living? How are you acting one way and talking another?
The other lesson from this discovery of yours is COMPASSION and FORGIVENESS. Understand that your father has not lived as Khalsa, only dressed as it. He has strayed. Guruji teaches us of the endless compassion (da-i-aal) of the Lord: be like that. When you have time and space away from this matter, think on forgiving your father for his betrayal of HIMSELF and his family. That will make it much easier for you to move on.

You are not overreacting, but clearly you have to consider what, if anything to do publicly and privately. I recommend YOU meditate meditate meditate on the Naam, for it will bring peace in your mind and give you a deeper understanding of the situation and inner understanding of how to deal with it.
Guru rakha,
-DKK