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Summary of Question:	Forgiveness
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 4/02/2002 5:55 PM MDT

Sat Sri Akaal ji

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I just wanted to know how i could make myself a better person....i am and always have been extremely grateful to Waheguru ji for looking after me......but i feel so lost.....and empty....i was abused by three members of my family as a child.....and whilst going on this journey of life i slipped up a few times.....but i never did anything wrong in the respect of ever sleeping with anyone..drinking smoking or going out clubbing etc....i am and always have been a very homely kind of girl and respect our traditions and faith.....i have immense pyar for sikhi waheguru and guru ji......but i feel like such a failure and i just want waheguru to forgive me for anything wrong that i have ever done....i was in a relationship for nearly a year and i went into the relationship with a pure and honest dil......but he was so emotionally and mentally abusive towards me...we didn't have a physical relationship....its not something that im looking for....and on the weekend my cousin got married..two of the people who abused me were at this wedding and im 22 years old now....and one of them would hug me and touch my back and feel my bra strap and then pull at it..this happened throughout the week as well as other things..but this straight after the doli and that of his own daughter......and they would do this in the company of other people but not make it obvious....because of things that have happened or the things i have done wrong...i just feel that now my heart is completely shatterd...even the little pieces that weren't broken...i know im not a good person....i always pray for everyone to be happy because we are all wahegurus children and we all make mistakes....but i feel so ashamed of myself....i just wish i could be a better person.....i try to get involved with charitable events and offer my services and do seva.....i tried to give blood twice because i thought that it might help somebody who needs it more than me...but when i went there i passed out twice....and i just feel like i can't do anything for anyone or make anyone happy...wether its my family or friends or strangers.....i believe that just as happiness is a gift from God so is pain and suffering....and if i had to cry a million tears and have things happen to me then i would just to see the people around me happy.....but i just want Waheguru ji to forgive me and stay in my heart always...but when i close my eyes and think of Him or do paath....i always feel so close to Him...but i feel He's ashamed of the person i am.....i just want to be a better person.

May Waheguru bless you all and His infinite light shine forever in all your hearts.....

Sat sri akaal ji
Gur Fateh

{REPLY} Sat Nam. My heart goes out to you for the pain and suffering that you are feeling. It is time to change that! By the way, there is no such thing as failure, unless/until a person gives up! So, you want to change your life? Step one: FORGIVE YOURSELF. Whatever has happened in the past, is over and done. Now is the time to move on, and to honor the divine essence that is your true identity. Rememember, you are not your body, you are not your mind, you are not your emotions -- what you really are is a divine being temporarily living in a human form -- using the mind and the emotions. There is no question of God forgiving you -- God does not condemn nor forgive, God accepts everyone and everything, for we are all His creation! So stop beating up on yourself. Second Step: Keep your distance from abusive men, whether they are relatives or not, stand your ground and do NOT allow them to touch you. You deserve to be treated with respect. Remind yourself of that every single day. Third step: determine how you want your life to be, and then do everything in your power (and as a woman you have a tremendous amount of power!) and pray for that to manifest. The Lord of Miracles, Guru Ram Das, is always available to help you. Do you know the Shabd "Dhan Dhan Ram Das Gur, Jin siriaa tine savaaria..."? chant this 11 times every day, and pray for your transformation. It is time to stop suffering and to live as a graceful,divine, noble woman. Fourth step: Before sunrise every morning, chant God's Name. Fifth Step: Forgive those who have abused you or wronged you, and remember to keep your distance from them. Forgiving someone does not mean that you have to be their victim. It only means that you clear your own consciousness of any negative feelings. I hope this answer will start you on the way to becoming the true "Kaur" that you are. Blessings, SP