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Summary of Question:	Muslim Girl Wants To Marry A Sikh Guy
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 1/28/2001 12:39 PM MST

Hello,

First of all thank you very much for setting up a facility that allows persons with problems can get feedback.
I am a muslim girl who has grew up in Saudi Araba, and have roots from India and SA. I can speak punjabi and know all about punjabi way of life, as i have also lived in the Punjab.
However, i am deeply and seincerly i love with a sikh guy. We are soul mates and perfect as people for each other. I am really in stress and dont know what to do. How can i marry the love of my life? Can you please help me?

Thank you.

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REPLY
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Dear One:

Sat Siri Akal. I cannot directly answer your question because I do not know personally anyone involved. So find someone you trust who knows your parents and can give you advice; same for your love.

I am guessing that your family assumes you must marry a Muslim man. Perhaps the love of your life's family assumes that he will marry a Sikh girl. Are either of you willing to convert, if that would resolve the problem? Do not misunderstand me: I believe in everyone's right to worship as it suits them, but sometimes one side is happily willing to convert to the faith of their partner. Of course, conversion might make one or another sets of parents angry as well.

There is nothing in Sikhi that REQUIRES a Sikh to marry another Sikh. I cannot speak for Islam. Happy mixed marriages (not uncommon in the West)ARE possible, and both your parents need to understand this. Sometimes the couple then decides to raise the kids with knowledge of both religions, sometimes they choose which religion to raise them as, etc. You have to decide what is really MOST important to each of you here. Are you (both) certain that your respective parents are against this? It's not like you have no roots in Punjab. Maybe introducing one of you to the other's parents is the way to start. Or you could approach the issue calmly with one of your family members most likely to be at least somewhat supportive, and build your support base that way. You might need a supportive outsider (such as an aunt or uncle) to mediate for you if you are certain your folks (or his) will hit the roof.

Your other option is eloping, but that has a cartload of ramifications that you would want to sincerely consider before trying to elope. I am NOT recommending this, but listing it as a way of looking at all your options.

I personally believe that cross-cultural marriages can work if BOTH sides give a little and remain openminded about each side's cultural upbringing. This means ideally, that the two families are willing to support you in this. But they might not be in the beginning. Each of you might find that you have 'more to prove' to your respective in-laws than if you were both of the same faith.

Pray together for an ideal resolution to this matter. Good luck to you.
God bless you,
-DK