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Summary of Question:	Broken Relationship..How Should I Deal With It?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 11/01/2008 5:15 PM MDT

Gur Fateh

I am really stressed and heart broken..need a real help. Well I am a 23 yrs old sikh girl and have been in a relationship since 6 yrs now. And we had planned to get married but now things have changed so much. Both of us still love each other but our relation is not accepted by our parents. His parents don't like me even though they never met me neither they know me how i am as a person.. they think that since being a girl i had a affair with their son then I am not someone they r looking for as their daughter in law. And my parents think that since his parents don't respect me as a human they will not treat me well so they don't even want to ask his parents what really the problem is. Both of us really love our parents and we both decided back in time that we will only get married if both of our parent's are happy with this alliance. He told me yesterday that He cannot marry me now cause his parents are not ready to even hear my name and they will never endorse me as their daughter in law and he cannot go against their wishes. I am sitting here in shock cause i cannot say him to force his parents.. (i don't want to create any differences between parents and son by doing that) and i am just in shock and my parents are thinking to get me married to someone they have chosen for me of course they will ask me my consent but it will be more a formality... i have lived this dream of having a small and loving family with that guy ever since 6 yrs and now suddenly i am being told that he cant marry me and at the same time my parents want me to get married to someone else .... i don't know wt to do... really want to end my life...don't want to live anymore... i know that there r lot other things i can do other than getting married .... i am currently doing my masters in Canada and i am motivated to do social work but this turmoil in my life has left me in shock... i love guru ji and i want to believe that this is happening for my good..but i cant ...i am repeating it to myself but i am in tears... i want to cry out loud and ask god why did he sent this guy in my life if it wasn't for marriage and i cannot think of anyone else as my husband.. i don't think i can love anyone in my life now... don't know wt to do...if my parents somehow pressurized me to get married wt should i do? should i tell that guy about my past relationship?? I fear that someone whom my parents have chosen for me will sooner or later come to know that i had a past relationship cause i won't be able to get married right now and even if i do then also i cannot love him as of yet...neither will i be comfortable being with someone else than the person whom i loved all my life. It is going to have so much impact i don't think i can have a healthy married life with anyone else other than the guy i loved. I think it will be unfair for that person also. For this reason I don't want to get married. Is there anyway that i can escape marriage and lead a sikhi jiwan? Cause I have heard that you have to have a garhisti jiwan in sikhi... But i don't want to marry someone whom i don't and can never love... i do want love in my life but I think guru ji think maybe i don't deserve to have one.. I was so much happy in my relationship..everything ended in a glimpse of second and I am left shattered with a brain storm. My ex is trying to contact me to know if i am ok but i don't want to talk to him anymore knowing the fact that we can never be together. He is in pain too but he cannot fight with his parents. I understand and respect that but I don't know what am i suppose to do now? please guide me

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reply
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Dear one,

Speak to your "ex". You must take the time to resolve what has happened and treat it with out the heart break that you feel.

Find out if he has truly made his parents wish more important than your relationship and if he is truely unwilling to go to "bat" for your future together. Parents may be surprised when their plans were interrupted. But you are adults and time would be on your side.

If he is unwilling then it is best to let him go freely now. Holding on to a one sided love is not healthy and has no fulfillment.

Best for you to take a break now. Get the support of your friends/family and especially from the shabd of the Guru. If this is Gurus' will, then better to break now rather than wish for something that might break in years to come when the children are here.

Marrying someone else is a wonderful idea. Tell your parents to give you some time and a break to heal. Sing and sing and sing. Sweat and work out and release your anger and dissappointment.
Sing and sing to immerse yourself in the shabd of the Guru to lift you from the pain. You have a wonderful future with a man ready to commit and love will always come after you heal yourself.

Take hukams from the Guru daily and get the Gurus counsel to carry you through this challenging time. You will benefit.

God bless you,
SK