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Summary of Question:	Need Your Advice On Relationships And Marriage
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 12/10/2002 12:13 AM MST

Hi.

I'm really confused right now and I need your help. I met someone 8 months ago on your matrimonial site. We both fell in love, but turns out that my family won't accept it.
My parents wanted to get me arranged to someone in India. I never understood the concept of an arranged marriage. I was born and raised in America. I understand and love my religion and culture, but I never learned to accept the idea of an arranged marriage. I can't see myself married to someone I've known for only a short time.. e.g, maybe a day or so. I've seen a lot of couples fail in their relationship because they were arranged. For example, my parents. My parents knew that I didn't want to go through with an arranged marriage, so one day my mom says to me that I can find someone here if I want and bring him to her, as long as he's Gursikh. I'm not the type of girl who really talks to guys so my cousin advised me to check out sikhnet matrimonial, where i could get to know someone through email. I actually did meet someone and we fell in love. I told my mom about him and she was really upset. She pretended like she never gave me permission to look for someone on my own.
I don't really know what to do now. My boyfriend asked me to write to sikhnet.com because he thinks we could get good advice.
I told him in the beginning that I don't want to run away, or do anything to hurt my family. If we're going to be together, I would like to do it the right way, meaning, his family calls my house and talks about our relationship. His mother actually did call my house. Nothing was settled by it. My boyfriend told me that my dad talked rudely to his mother and now his family won't call again. He says that if anything is going to happen, then it could if only my family calls his house. And I know thats impossible. I guess there's more to the story but this is pretty much a summary of it. I'm just wondering what we should do now.. could you help please?..
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Reply
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Dear one, please be patient. Give this some more time. I presume that you have actually met this young man and know him from more than an e-mail. I hope so.

In any case, do not raise the subject again for a few months. Just be firm in your position of not wanting an arranged marriage. Do not discuss this young man again for a bit. Continue with your being devotional to the Guru. Be respectful to your parents and be graceful. Win them over through time and grace.

Now you can do the work of reciting the shabd "Mera Man Loche Gur darshan taa-ee....." 11 times each day. This will create a special connection between your longing and the Guru. Your object is fulfillment in a very deep sense. You can win your parents by being steady and non emtionally committed to your good sense in who you have chosen to marry. Eventually, your parents will make the call.

God bless you, SKKK