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Summary of Question:	Not Knowing
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Friday, 5/17/2002 4:45 AM MDT

WKK WKF

Hi, im a 18 year old sikh girlim in turmoil. The thing is ever from an early age ive always known i was not your average girl. I never fitted in at school although i thuoght this was because i grew up in a prodiminantly white area. But, the truth is im gay. Ive always been attracted to women never men. No matter how much i deny this the feeling are always there. I never feel myself when im around my friends the only time i do is when im around people who Know.
The problem is what should i do? my family means the world to me and i know il have to marry but i dont want to end up miserable.
Id never leave my family but denying how im feeling is taken everything out of me.
Please help!

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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

Darling, you face a very difficult challenge. There is nothing in the Siri Guru Granth Sahib negative towards homosexuality and Guru teaches that everything is the Will of God, everything is created by God-so if this is how God created you, then that is His will- there's a reason for it. However, in your culture, there is a huge bias against homosexuality and this is the challenge you have to face. How do you live in the Will of God as a Sikh who is gay? To deny how God made you is to go against what the Guru teaches. To face your culture as a gay woman will open you up to all kinds of persecution,including people saying you can't be a Sikh if you're gay.

In the face of this intense karma, you must know very clearly who you are and what Guru's will is for you. Do you have a daily sadhana? The first place to begin is to rise in the Amrit Veyla and meditate, as Guru Nanaak instructed. This will allow you to connect with your soul and give you a strong base from which to understand your life, the challenges you have to face and how to deal with them.

The second thing I highly recommend is to read up on any books written by gay women in minority communities. I don't have a title I can point you to, but if you search the internet, you will find resources. What you are facing, other women have faced before. If you read about their experiences and how they handled it, what they went through-it may offer some insights into your own situation.

Last, but not least, whatever you do-do not marry. Marriage will not "cure," "fix" or "change" your situation. If you are clear that you are gay, then have the compassion for yourself, your family and any potential husband to accept this fact and not try to be something you're not. Create a solid foundation with your meditation, educate yourself and let Guru guide you as to the steps and actions you need to take next.

You must be a very brave soul for Guru to have blessed you with this life because there is a lot you can do for other Sikhs who are gay by having the courage to find your True Identity both as a Sikh and as a gay woman. May God's love and grace be with you.

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

GPK