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Summary of Question:	Sadness
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/10/2002 9:38 PM MST

SSA

I have a query.
I seem to feel really sad nowdays.
Currently I have had to face some problems and I have not been able to bear the pain.

Now I feel like I don't want to talk to anybody at all because I have been hurt as I tusted in the wrong people and was misunderstood by a certain person who is very dear to me. This 'certain' person was a guy whom I really cared and still care for. Now I can see that its all maya, that love, attatchment its not real. Its false and the only true love is the love that takes us to God and makes us realise Him. I feel like that the love which occurs between a guy and a gurl is false, it doesnt last, like its unreal not true.So now i have become as if i dont want to love anybody because its only going to cause me more pain and after going through all that I now feel that God has given me a lesson for my life ahead that dont love any human because its fake and it will only cause me pain, and that only put all my hopes into my Guru Sahib and the ALMIGHTY GOD.


I can't exactly state my whole problem as it is very much confusing.
Atually i don't know what i am feeling now, which sounds very strange and bit on the stupid side.

I feel like I have no admire anymore other than coming into full sikhi. I even sit down and i always imagine myself wearing a blue dastar with a khanda, with my Sri Sahib showing and glowing, and my powerful thick steel kara. I can see it now too. I feel like I belong somewhere, like to my Guru Sahib and Almighty. I am a girl but not that type of a girly girl, actually i want to learn gatka and be a Saint Soldier, a Khals Warrior ready to fight anytime for the panth whatever it takes I want to acheive that state, I want to stand out from the crowd and I just love the Bana that Guru Sahib has blessed us with. I dont understand why these punjabis are not understanding that Param Upkar that Guru Sahib and WAHEGURU has done for us. I mean i see all these punjabis girls and guys. just dont see the value of sikhi.It sucks i wanna beat them up but then
again i guess its Gods Grace.
Is this the play of Almighty God that he is making me feel this way?
When I say I have no admire, I mean that:

I don't want to study now
I don't want to do anything special in life
Before I used to think big like getting a really good job, having a big house, heaps of friends and dressing up nicely, looking really good.
Now i feel as if all that does not matter anymore, the way i look, the way i do my hair the way i dress ok maybe a bit about the way i dress. But what i mean is that i dont really care about anything other than sikhi and my Guru Sahib
I just want my Guru Sahib to be happy with me. Before i used to be like if someone said something to me i would get angry and tell that person off and do whatever it takes to shut that person up for good. But now i just dont care, someone can walk past me and give me the evils and i wouldnt care, i would just think thats God is sitting in there. I want to live like a sant sipai, like Saint and Solider. Like a daughter of my Guru Sahib Ji. Like a saint immersed in God and Guru and like a warrior. I dont even feel like getting married in the longer term if i am alive by then but actually i do sort of want to get married but to someone who reminds me of my Guru Sahib Himself, whom i look at feel the presence of my Guru. Someone who loves Waheguru. Will Guru Sahib give me someone like that, because well now days i see that these punjabi guys are real idiots and well only interested in stupid things like girls and rubbish like that. But i dont know i will only marry a guy who is a GurSikh a Sant Sipai.i am only 18 yet. I want to do sewa,simran, take care of the shoes of my Guru roop sangat, hand out langar, give money to the poor, do something to feed all those people in india on the streets who dont have a roof on their head, i want to do something, but i can only do that if i study hard and get a good job and then i want to help i dont know i want to be humble yet that Strong Saint Soldier ready for anything?
Do you think that God will give me that state? I am craving for TRUE LOVE from my Guru Sahib and ALMIGHTY HIMSELF, will He give it to me? Do i deserve it? Am i worth it? is it right for me to be thinking like this at the age of 18?
I know it is i feel like it is. What does He have in plan for me?


What is God doing?
Does he have anything special planned for me>?
I know that even you guys dont know the exact answer to this, but do you think that my Guru Sahib is beginning to be happy with this worm? Can you guys shed some light over where my destiny is taking me? Please Guide me

Fateh
Thanx and God Bless
(REPLY) Sat Nam. I think you're going to be just fine! Yes, right now you're confused, but you've got a lot to figure out, life seems like a great jigsaw puzzle when you're 18, but you're finding more and more of the right pieces and putting them together. Here's a suggestion and some thoughts about your situation: Dress beautifully as if you are going to meet Guru Gobind Singh! Be successful in school and in a career so that you will be prosperous and have enough to share with the poor. Do seva when and however you can, and pray for those who have not as yet realized that living in the emotions, and having these romantic relationships just simply doesn't work, and usually ends in disaster, as you have just found out! There are a lot of stupid people in the world, and a lot of intelligent ones. God lives in everyone! When you do marry, try to se the God in your husband, and realize that all human beings have some faults, but if you can relate soul to soul, you can work out a happy marriage. You just need to find someone _ or actually God will send you (!)someone who shares your values. So, meanwhile, be patient, be kind and live your life as an example to others. Everyone's life is either an example or a warning! And try to bless and pray for those who are still fooling themselves and wasting their precious time on Earth -- but don't condemn anyone, that's not our job. God and Guru are in charge. Just give your head to the Guru, and let Guru guide you life. Blessings, SP