Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Marrying Into Another Caste With Complications
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 9/18/2001 5:18 PM MDT

SSA,

I have a very big problem and am hoping that you will be able to help me. About a year ago, I met this guy on the internet, I'm in Canada and he's in England, we have been chatting with each other non-stop including spending up to 2 hours or more everyday on the phone. We have fallen in love with each other deeply and want to get married to each other.

I have two problems, first, I don't know how to tell my parents about meeting him online. My parents would literally go mad and I am scared they might even go as far as preventing us from contacting one another. The second being we're both from different castes, he is a Rajputt and I am a Jatt. This has not been a problem for the both of us but strongly envisage it being one for my Father. I know that as a Son-in law my parents will love him. The question is how do I go about breaking the news to my parents?

I would appreciate some help!

A very stressed out person who is bordering the edge of insanity with worry.

*********
REPLY
********

Sat Siri Akaal--

Well, you could say a friend introduced you. But a Gursikh stands for truth. And if you don't tell the truth, you will end up piling lies upon lies. In the end, it doesn't matter HOW you met him, I think if he can visit and show his CHARACTER to your parents, that is all that counts. It would have to be a very organized thing. Perhaps he could stay with a friend. He should come for a bit of time, and plan to meet your whole family. Do you have a bhai sahib or uncle or aunt who agrees with you about caste and could run interference with your father? That is one way to proceed.

As for caste: so much on this Youth Forum about caste and marriage. Search using the keywords "marrying caste". Tru GurSikhs DO NOT observe caste. Are you a Kaur, is he a Singh? Are you Khalsa? Isn't that caste enough? Does your father consider himself a Gursikh? If so, what's all this about caste? Is he fearful that his community will look down on him because his daughter has married outside of caste, when Gursikh history is full of examples of our very own Gurus showing over and over again that all are equal and that caste is irrelevant.

Do you have any idea how many loves are lost over something as outdated and un-Sikh as caste? What I am saying is, the more Sikhs who refuse to observe caste will set an example for other Sikhs to have the COURAGE of a lion or princess of the Guru to do the same. There is nothing we at Sikhnet can do but tell our readers over and over that the only way that caste observance among Sikhs will end is by just doing it. Simple, yes. Easy, no. Just do it!

Guru rakha,
-DKK