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Summary of Question:	Our Daughter Wants To Marry A Blackman From Jamiaca
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 8/13/2002 8:34 PM MDT

our only daughter who we raised with full of love shocked us when she ask our permission to marry a blackman who is 37 and have 3 childern our daughter is only 24 and she lived with us all her life 1 yr ago she moved to other state she is a doctor and have lot of interest in sports and man she wants marry is her coach she only knows him from 8 months right now she wants to move with him and have plans to marry him later on we are totally shoked by her choice and do not know what to do we have met the boy and he do not impress at all my wife thinks she will lose her mind if our daughter do not change her mind pl advise thankyou

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REPLY
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Sat SIri Akaal. There is nothing I can say or do to change your daughter's mind. It sounds to me like this man's color is the issue, nothing else. Have you let his color block you from seeing who he really is? Only you can answer that. Your daughter is 24 years old. She is a doctor, which means she has sense enough to help people get well. Do you really think if she can be a doctor that she can't also make decisions for herself? Do you think she wants to marry this man to spite you? I doubt it. In today's world it is unrealistic to expect (1) that our children will listen to us into our old age and (2) that we can control our children's lives. Love for our children does not mean controlling them or their lives. Perhaps your daughter is desperate to live her own life and break away from her past. Such 'rebellion' is not untypical in young people, and has many possible motivations. I am not judging you as parents, simply pointing out that rebellion may be involved. Rebellion sometimes is how a young adult sorts out what she does and does not want for her life.

It seems to me that you could give this man a real chance to prove that he is worthy of your daughter. It seems to me that you could give your daughter a chance to live her life as Guru planned it. I would suggest you spend a great deal of time together and with his children. Get to know them all. If, after some honest and unbiased time together, you still don't like him, then tell your daughter your concerns. If you truly love your daughter you will advise her but not try to control her. YOu will love her no matter what her choices and be there for her if it really doesn't work out. True love puts NO conditions on anyone. True love doesn't say "we'll love you if you marry an Indian" or "we disown you if you stay with this black man".

If you are Gursikhs (unclear from your query) then also I recommend that the 2 of you read Sukhmani Sahib daily, together, to calm yourselves. Guru gave us all a destiny in our life. Consider this truth carefully, please.
Guru angsang,
-DKK