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Summary of Question:	Hair
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 7/22/2001 1:10 PM MDT

VJKK VJKF

Sat Sri Akal I am an Amritdhara Sikh and I have a question about something that I am confused about. Pretty soon I will be getting engaged to another Amritdhara Sikh who although I am happy with has laid down some rules for me that I don't understand and believe to be going against Rehat. I was surprised to hear him state to me that he wanted me to wear make-up, jewellery, and take off that black scarf that I wrap around my head. I felt that as an Amritdhara sikh he should have understood why I felt that it was important for me not to wear make-up and jewellery. Many years back I did wear make-up but after doing prayers from Guru Granth Sahib my desire to wear make-up and flashy clothes decreased. But it seems to me that he wants me to dress a certain way. Furthermore he wanted me to take off the hairs on my chin. I was even more suprised after hearing this. and the sad thing is that my mother was backing him up 100%. So my question is now that who is right and who is wrong? I always thought that the rules of
conduct applied equally to both men and women then why is this Amritdhara man telling me to do these things.? The sad thing is that I have now for the third time removed most of the hairs on my chin. They were very long and black. I had a difficult time accepting these hairs when i first got baptised so i removed them. I didn't understand why women had to have these type of hairs on their face. So i was re-baptised and now i'm on the same boat again. This time it is due to this man who claims to be Amritdhara. Why does he have different rules than I do? My uncle told me that after baptism men are told not to cut their beards, that this does not apply to women since women don't usuallty have beards or heavy facial hair. If this is the case why do I have hairs like that? I feel terribly disappointed in myself for what I did. I honestly believe that my amrit is broken. In spite of this I will still continue to do my nitmem etc, but why did fate bring me a man that would tell me to do something against rehat. T
he hairs on my face have caused alot of fights in my house. and this man has added to those fights by his views. I'm actually shocked that he believes this way. but yet in my heart i feel as if he is the one. Has Guru Sahib disowned me as a child? This man always tells me that your amrit is on the inside not outside. Please help me i am confused and hurt.

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REPLY
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Dear One:
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

I'm sorry to be blunt, but your fiance is Amritdhari in name only. It is untrue that the rules of Rehit apply differently to women than to men who are Amritdhari. Stand by your Amrit. Do not take off your headcover, do not remove your chin hairs, and wear no makeup or jewelry. Your uncle is wrong as well.
Some of us women are born with more facial hair than others. It is how God made us. I know a couple of married Amritdhari women with healthy facial hair that they have never touched except to wash. It is YOUR body, not his. It is YOUR Amrit, not his, and he has NO business telling you to follow the rules of fashion for his sake. This is absurd and outrageous.

You removed your hair because of this pressure; I think that your intent was not your own. From my point of view you are still quite Amritdhari, but if you feel you must, then re-take Amrit. But stand by your Rehit and know that you are a royal princess of Guru Gobind Singh's Khalsa, hair and all. A father does not OWN his daughter, and a husband does not OWN his wife, despite what many cultural practices throughout the world might say. Ask yourself if this is what he is asking now, what will you be asked to do after you are married? Marriage is a partnership, not an ownership!Two souls become one in 2 bodies. You want to marry someone who accepts the Rehit as do you. Rehit governs your entire life, if you cannot agree on it then ask yourself if this union is for you.

PS: I might add that if you purchase white turban cloth and practice wrapping a turban as Western Sikh women do, it gives a regal and royal bearing that is quite attractive and might soften your fiance's dictum against your head covering.

I wish you the best.
-Guru rakha,
----DKK