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Summary of Question:	Spiritual Partner - Wrong Colour
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 7/25/2002 4:35 AM MDT

After years of searching for a partner that would be acceptable for my parents I ended up falling in love with a white man - after many years of inner turmoil and denial I have come to accept that he is my spiritual partner. Ovbiously I will miss the "cultural" element in our relationship bu thtis has made me more determined to keep my identity alive.

However although I feel I have come to this decision I do not kno whow to tell my parents who I live with.
I understand only too well how important it is to maintain your identity and marry like with like.
Sikh religion states all men are equal - have you any words/guidance you can give me?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. If you have been "searching for years" - then you must be past the teen-age years, so telling your parents should not be a problem, that is IF the man you want to marry shares your religious/spiritual commitment. As a Sikh woman, you know that Guru Nanak taught that the color of a person's skin should not matter. Yes, If you are of Indian birth and he is not, there will be cultural differences, but, the true commitment and the sharing of the same spiritual path is what is most important. Will he support your going to Gurdwara, reading banis? and what about raising children? What religion will they identify with? Having parents who follow two different religions is confusing to any child, it creates duality, and duality is the enemy of faith. A child learns not so much from what we tell them but from what we practice. So, what are your thoughts on this aspect of marriage? How will you and he interact with your respective families? Does his family support your marriage? You are right, of course, that skin color should not be a factor - but it is true that the more similar backgrounds that husband and wife share, the easier is the adjustment in marriage. May God bless you and Guru guide you in this important decision. SP