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Summary of Question:	My Big Fat Sikh Wedding
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 2/22/2003 3:00 PM MST

Hi,

Firstly, I would like to say that I have read many articles on this web-site and your responses to questions and I think you are doing a great job!

I am a Sikh girl who married a wonderful Indian Muslim. We met at Cambridge University and neither of us are deeply religious, but we we do have some loyalty to the beliefs we grew up with. I was born a Sikh and I am lucky enough to also choose this faith as an educated adult. I would have preferred to marry a Sikh because our faiths would be identical but I think that God has put us together for a reason and has a plan for us. Our children will be brought up both Sikh and Muslim and we will aspire to make them happy and informed about their joint heritage. I have been spreading the Sikh message to all educated people who are disillusioned with the outdated prejudices of their own religions and have given up on religion altogether as a result of what they have found, they have been very impressed at what I told them about gender equality and the equality of all people, castes, races and religions in Sikhism. Perhaps many of them will "convert" to Sikhism after having contact with me!

I cut my hair, I am married to a Muslim, but I have also helped 100's of poor people though charity work. I think that there is far too much emphasis on the "shallow" aspects of religion such as how many times you pray or who has the longest hair rather than the fundamental message of being a good, informed person without prejudice. I am lucky enough to have supportive parents who realised what a treasure this Indian Muslim boy was, but I feel for all the youngsters who may not have this luxury.

The only problem is, we are going to have an akand path for us at the temple for our anniversary and I would like my father to read some verses at the temple for us, but because he has short hair, I don't think that they would allow him to do so.

Can you tell me if this is true? Do you have to have a turban to read the religious text in the temple? I will be very disappointed if it is, because I know for a fact that my father is a better Sikh than all those rather false and ignorant priests I know in there put together... Also, I don't think it is in the liberated and forward-thinking spirit of Sikhism to discriminate upon the length of ones hair, if everyone worships God in their own way, they should be free to worship with short hair if they wish to do so, she should not be forced to grow their hair in order to read in their place of worship.

(REPLY)

Sat Nam. It is my understanding that ther requirement to be able to read in an Akand Path is first of all to go with an attitude of reverence, to have one's head covered, and to have washed hands before reading. I do not know if "management" of the particular Gurdwara where you are going to have the Akand Path has any other restrictions, but I don't believe they have any right to refuse him based on cut hair. Now, as for the rest of your message, I am happy for you that things seem to have worked out so well for you so far. We do not know how your children will feel, with two allegiances! In most cases, it is confusing for children and does not give them the same security that having both parents share the same beliefs and way of worship. It may dilute the faith. Only time will tell. I believe a truly "good" Sikh does not judge anyone as to length of hair or any other practice or participation. We each can only do and live according to what we each determine is the best that we can do -- and it is only God's right to judge us! Congratulations on your Anniversary, I hope it will be a beautiful celebration, and the beginning of another blessed year. SP