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Summary of Question:	Reply To Bf No Longer Good Sikh
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 8/04/2003 7:50 PM MDT

If the moderators fell this is ok, please post.

Dear friend,
I thought i would give you someone elses view on this situation. This is not a religious view, but a personal one.
You said your boyfriend has changed, he was someone else before when you met him and now he is someone else. Here is my personal experience.
I met a girl 3 years ago, we became very good friends and then we realised we liked each other more than friends. But i told her from the start i may not marry her. First 6 months were fine, we cared for each other, and had a very strong relationship, then external factors came in and I changed. I did the same thing ure bf is doing to you, swear at her, put her down, tell her to F#$%#$ off. She took this for nearly 2 years, and never said a word, she did everything to keep me happy. I took this for granted. I didnt drink or smoke or drugs or cheat on her, but this is not the point, the point is I NEVER GAVE HER THE RESPECT A WOMEN DESERVES. The day i actually thought about us, and realisedi loved this girl (what the hell am i doing, why am i being such a b#$%$#), i cried, and cried for hours, i said sorry to her, but i had crossed a limit. That was the day she left me. I broke. I spent the last 1.6 years trying to make it up, begged her to see i have changed, but i never got it. Roles reversed, i did everything to keep her happy and she did to me, what i did to her. I dont blame her, it was my fault. She was my strength and i lost it, i hit Rock Bottom. a wise man once said "Behind every succesful man, there is a women", he was right, trust me. You are special, a women has so much that a man will never have. First of all, its understanding. (im not saying all men, but everyone knows what im talking about).
Your bf needs the same thing. U say you dont want to leave him, fine, but dont let yourself get treated this way, you deserve better. Much better. Leave him and see what happens, if he truly loves you, he will change. He will stop drinking, going to clubs etc. Cuz in the end, when you trutly look at this, it is all materialistic, it doesnt give happiness. When he changes, then do as you wish. If you BF doesnt change, then trust me, your better off. You said your a sikh girl, a pretty girl, you will have no problems in finding a faithful partner.
Im just giving my expereince as an example. Plus your not the only one. Alot of people are in the same situation as you. Remeber this is your choice, no one elses. But i adivse you to think hard about it.
Would you really want to marry a guy who doesnt respect you, love you, take care of your, swears at you, threatens you. You said he has changed, what if he ever hits you? what will you do then. What if you have kids. How will they manage. Please think about all this. I have lived in an abusive home, a child really gets affected. 22 years and i still remember alot. Dont let your parents meet his parents yet. otherwise it giets difficult, i know that a women and man are said to be equal, but in society this isnt true. It will affect you parents alot.
Also, you say you have no one to talk too, you can talk to anyone here. I am willing to talk to you, my details are below, but mainly, u dont need my help, you have your parents. I ADVISE YOU, PLEASE TALK TO YOUR PARENTS. I KNOW IT MAY SEEMS HARD, BUT TELL THEM THE TRUTH, TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL, THEY WILL HELP YOU, THEY WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH. Our parents always want the best for us. They have lived alot longer than us. they have experience on how the world works. also, sometimes, they know what is better for us, more than we do.
YOU MAY LOVE THIS GUY, YOU MAY NOT, THIS IS FOR YOU TO DECIDE. But sometimes love can be mistaken. I believe it take 2 people to make a relationship work, if even 1 person doesnt want it to work, there is nothing the other person can do to change their mind. If 2 people want something to work, they can pass all obsticles.
PLEASE TIHNK ABOUT THIS, GET YOUR PARENTS INVOLVED. think hard before you go any further in this relationship
If you need to talk to someone, remember there is Sikhnet, or you can always mail me. But i still urge you to talk to your parents. Trust them, cuz they do love you
Samar ([email protected])

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Thank you for your submission. GTKK