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Summary of Question:	Plz Help Shun My Agnosticism And Skepticism In Waheguru.
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Friday, 3/06/2009 5:18 AM MST

I m 23 years old and I m very upset these days as I have become skeptical about the existence of Waheguru. I feel guilty about it as well coz acc to my family how could I be skeptical about the one who has given us everything and who is the director of the entire universe.

Since my early teens I have had immense faith upon waheguru as faith has been imbibed in me by my family. My faith was so strong that even during the low phases of my life I used to rely only on waheguru and on ardaas. I used to enjoy doing paatth and found it very blissful, also used to talk to waheguru and was very contented with my life. But then unfortunately 2 years back (when I was in final year in college) I fell in love with a guy, and since then used to think of him day and night, had gotten much attached to him emotionally. I used to waste my time thinking about him, talking to him and meeting him and since then my concentration in paatth has gone. Then after only 6 months of the relationship my parents disapproved of it and I had to back off. I never left paatth coz of my parents even though I didn’t feel like doing it anymore. I was very upset and rebellious but due to my parents support(esp my sister and her husband who love me lot) I successfully came out of that mess but still it took me more than a year to get back to my life. But I have failed to get back to Waheguru, still there is no concentration in paatth, although I do Sukhmani Sahib everyday.
I am not happy, i remain upset and depressed and feel Waheguru doesnt love me coz of my agnosticism.Please help shun this skepticism and strengthen my faith in Waheguru. Stupid things come to my mind which makes me think that god doesn’t exist, even if he does, he doesn’t love everyone. In case I listen to a shabd which says k parmatma nu dheaun nal ya waheguru de gunn gaon nal sukh samriddhi mildi hai, I tend to think that why does God want people to praise him, and then only he will listen to them or give them the bounties of life. When I look at people and see the suffering around I get upset why only good people suffer? Karma, why one doesn’t pay for one’s bad deeds only in this present janam?
Trust me I don’t want to think all this, and maybe u guys might get annoyed with my thinking, but I really need ur help. I want to be like I was in college days, in my teenage, I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I want to have an unstinted faith in Waheguru. Please help.
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reply
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My dear, Be kind and gentle to yourself. You have suffered and have been in pain and now FORGIVE YOURSELF. Wahe Guru is ever forgiving. You are young and learning and growing. What worked for you as a child was wonderful. Now find your way into what can work for you as a Woman!

Bless yourself, forgive yourself. Rather than chanting Sukhmani Shaib mechanically and with frustration........recite and sing "Poota Mata Ki Asees" for the child within you. Nurture yourself as a mother nurtures her child and bring yourself back to your own love for yourself in this life.

Alo, There are many CD's with the Chand from Jaap Sahib "Ajai Alai Abai Abhai......." available from Sikhnet or download from ITUNES. There is one meditation that comes to my mind for your. Wrap your arms around yourself in a big hug and sway from side to side as a mother rocks her child while chanting Ajai Alai. There is one very sweet version from Satkirin Kaur Khalsa on the CD, Jaap, you can use.

Do these two prayers for yourself daily with understanding and love for yourself. Then when you are feeling stronger you can start doing the "Bowing Jaap Sahib". Times may be negative but you can cut through all the negativity with the love and sweetness of your prayer for your own DIVINE self to be reborn. God bless you,
SK