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Summary of Question:	Affairs
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 11/28/2003 6:02 PM MST

I know in our religion parents are given a lot of importance and a high place in God's view. But I have a problem respecting my mum. I think she is having an affair, i have caught her on several occasions talking to men on the phone. but im not sure if its just talking on the phone or more (as in meeting up with them). My brother swears that he has seen her hugging another man (i know he WONT lie about this, hes a very decent person), we have confronted her but she always denies it and says there is nothing wrong with talking to a man.

My problem is that i just cant respect her, i dont treat her well at all, i always get annoyed at her and dont talk to her the way a daughter should. in my heart i swear at her, especially when i know shes on the phone or when she goes out or returns home. i dont know what to do, i am breaking all the morals of our religions, to respect your parents. what shall i do to control my anger towards her and still treat her like a mother. im getting older now and its about time i made up for all the times i fought with my parents and went agaisnt them (as in being naughty nothing serious. my heart is still in shock after all these years, if shes guitly then why wont God punish her and the low life men? Pls give me some guidance. I know you are going to say i should do my path, i know it has helped me A LOT ..but why wont God punish her if it is true, how do i find out if it is. i have given up on confronting her. Sorry for writing so much.

Thank you SO MUCH for your advice and help in advance. its so nice to know that you guys are here to help :) WaheGuru Ji ka Khalsa WaheGuru Ji ke Fateh

PS. HAS ANYONE ELSE HAD THIS SORT OF PROBLEM?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I can understand that you are disillusioned and upset by what you BELIEVE your mother is doing. However, you don't know for sure. My suggestion to you -- that is, if you have the guts to do it, is to confront your mother, but not with anger, but rather lovinginlytell her what you think is going on, that it is hurting you if it is true. Ask her. See what she says. She may deny it, but at least it will make her aware that you know what's going on -- if it is. Maybe it's not true, maybe there's some other explanation. Give her the benefit of the doubt. And don't worry about God punishing her. Believe me, we each pay for our deeds sooner or later, and the only person whose actions are YOUR responsbility are your own. We all live our lives either as an example or a warning. Make sure that you live up to the best values that you know in your heart and soul are righteous, and leave the failures and mistakes of others -- even your parents' for them to deal with, and I assure you they will. Parents are human beings, not perfect beings. They make mistakes. Meanwhile, treat your mother with respect, even if you don't feel it. She gave you birth and has cared for you all your life. Karma always gets paid, sometimes it just takes a while! Maybe even another lifetime. And pray for understanding, compassion, and the right outcome of this situation. I wish you well. Blessings, SP