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Summary of Question:	Marry Or Study?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 3/25/2006 4:52 PM MDT

wahaguru ji ka khalsa,

wahguru ji ke fetah

I am very confused. I met a guy who lives very far away from me. We talked on the phone and we like each other a lot. He wants to get married. I trust him a lot and I want to marry him too. He is Punjabi sikh but he isn’t very religious. I am religious. My whole family is very religious. I tell him that my parents wont say yes to marriage because they want a sardar who is a doctor or someone along those lines. He isn’t like that. He says he will become a sardar for me but i don’t think my parents will agree. My friend talked to him and told him that if he really likes me he has to wait 4 years and not have any contact with me because im young and I need to concentrate on my studies. He said he will wait 4 years, but he says he really wants to marry. Im pretty sure he will wait for 4 years. But I don’t know if my parents will say yes. I feel like blaming myself because he I shouldn’t have started this but then I think that wahaguru did this for a purpose. Wahaguru put him in my life for a purpose. I don’t want to take 4 years of his life away and then not be his. He is willing to change for me and he also said he will start praying everyday for us to be together. He even told his parents and family members about marrying me. I don’t know what to do. I like him a lot. I don’t want to hurt him. But I also don’t want my family to find out because they trust me a lot and if they find out they will die. They cant stand the fact that their daughter did something like this. Im 18 years old. What should I do? Should I leave him or stay with him. I don’t think I could find a person who loves me as much as he does.
Please reply
Waiting, need help

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reply
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Sat nam. This whole relationship is based on words and promises and long distance, nothing more. This is not a stable basis for a marriage without, at least, face time. You also need to be HONEST with yourself and your parents about this. Finally, becoming a sardar FOR YOU is not the same as becoming a sardar for GURU. He needs to want to be a sardar for GURU first, else it's just form without substance.
Your whole life is ahead of you, and I think your studies is the more appropriate focus for you. Your degree will serve you your whole life, don't miss a chance to get it. If he is still devoted to you when your studies are complete, then make arrangements to spend real time together and meet the families and go from there. Guru ang sang,
DKK