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Summary of Question:	Reply To....I Am Fed Up Of My Life Question
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 1/15/2004 3:22 PM MST

SP,

I am really concerned at your response to this question especially where you have hinted at eloping. Yes westerners have a liberty to elope and live their life as they wish but with what results? kids before marriages? ruined lifes? multiple relations? drugs? This girl and her family have some genuine problems and you have glorified the girls love, undermining her parents problems. We live in a society boss and we cannot ignore them. If these people are 4-5 yrs in this relation and tomorrow if the guy refuses to marry her, who will? her life is ruined, thats wht her parents think. Her parents were open to meet the guy and his parents and even ready for marriage where as the guys parents I am sure are buying their time. Their son might not be listening to them now but who knows after 3-4 yrs? time is the best healer, thats the reason they dont even want to make it official by announcing an engagement. Otherwise I see no logical reason behind not getting engaged now, these are just excuses given to buy time. The girl will be lucky if the guy is still ready to marry her after 3-4 yrs without getting formally engaged now. No one in India bothers if a guy is roaming around with one girl and marries another but for a girl the rules are different, well thats our society and you have to live by it. If the girl want to defy the norm of the society go ahead only if u r "SURE" that the guy will marry u after 4 yrs. But wht abt the girl's parents? well parents duty is to suffer, they suffer right from the kids birth, bringing them up and if something like this comes up, suffer at the hands of society also. But love is God and principles are principles u cannot love one and marry another but yes your principles do allow you to hurt ur parents so go ahead with ur "love" forget ur parents feelings because parents will always be there even if u elope or do something harsh so take them for granted. Sometimes, think beyond just your heart because to satisfy your heart you are breaking those hearts who really love you and no other love in this world can match it, believe me.

May Waheguru solve all your problems and I am convinced with SP that visit Gurudwara, do seva, recite Guru's bani.

I know these are my personal views and Im really sorry if I hurt any party.

Thanks

Dear sikhnet moderators.

I am in a big problem, my life is full of problems, and I dunno what to do….
I am fed up of struggling and problems, I know that everyone has problems too, but my life depends on this hope you would be able to help me.
I am a 21 year old girl am in love with a guy, we r of same age, as soon as I fell in love, and had feelings for him (he too has feelings for me) I told my parents, and he told his parents too. That was 2 years ago. My parents met him and found that we r suitable for each other. First his parents objected, then after getting to know me, they got ready for our marriage too. Now the problem arises that his parents say to wait for 2 years even for engagement, coz the guy y is only 21 and they need hi to settle first, but my parents say that we have been waiting since 2 years, and atleast get engaged. Everyone now knows about this, and talk about it, my family says that you have finished our respect in society, because everyone comes and talks that your daughter is going around with a guy, and we saw them there, etc, etc, although we tell my parents whenever we meet, but they feel and its true also that people talk and this is affecting my reputation am ready to not meet him until we get officially engaged, his parents have given this guarantee that they will be ready for marriage after 2 years,but my parents r not for it. They say people talk and tell them to get ready for engagement atleast, so that they can say to people, that we have got our daughter sister, and if they r not agreeing for it, we r gonna get you married to someone else. How can I marry someone else, if he is in my heart, and we love each other, it’s just a matter of time. I admit it was our mistake, we shouldn’t have met in public places, but thought I am not doing a crime and why should I hide it from anyone, because of this stupidity, now our affair is talk of the towns even my far cousins know about it, and we meet only on Sundays, and whenever we meet we get caught, thanks to my large number of family members.anyway, I have been trying to talk to my parents and make them understand to wait since past 2 years, and now they r not ready to listen to anything, and his parents r not ready for marriage before 2 year s,they r rite too, coz they feel how can they get us married before he stands on his own feet, although he is into family business only ,still first he needs to understand responbilities,I too am not ready for marriage ,and I am not that old,as my parents say am 21 and am gonna be 22 in Feb.. I want to work and be independent first, but how can we make stop talking, coz its causing insult to my family.my parents say we r ready to wait for 2 years, just get engaged, but what can I do the guys side is not even ready for engagement.
My parents say what would happen even if we wait for 2 years and after that they refuse. God, I am in a big problems my parents are asking me to get married to someone else, coz they have no guarantee think I should do a job, and stop meetings, but moderators, what about my parents reputation that has been lost because of me feel so guilty don’t go out and meet anyone coz I feel guilty, and have to answer there questions, like when are u guys getting married because everyone is seeing and talking, oh, I am fed up of my life feel like ending my life, because no one understands, my parents have decided now they are going to take decision for me,and I have to follow it,coz I have damaged there reputation. What about our life? I cant marry someone else, do you think its right for me to marry someone else, if I love someone else, who would want there wife to love someone else am very confused, my parents do get along, they are always fighting, my best friend is dying and I have lost all my friends wana literally give up my life, please help me, suggest me some paath, that would help me in gaining peace of mind, please pray for me from wade guru.
Satnam, reply soon.

tanya

(REPLY) Sat Nam. It is truly sad that you are caught in such a stupid, and unnecessary situation, where gossip, and "public opinion" are ruling, instead of kindness, compassion, and common sense. I am truly sorry you are feeling so bad, and I can certainly understand why. Please try to remember that our life here on Earth is a time of test and trial for us to pay off karma, and to learn patience, compassion, and above all to relate to God and Guru first and foremost. All else is maya -- it is temporary illusion of reality. If I were you, I would be chanting DHAN DHAN RAM DAS GUR shabd many many times a day, and praying for the Lord of Miracles to solve this situation. I would also make it a point to go to Gurdwara and do seva, and establish your reputation as a Gursikh first and foremost. I realize the cultural habits of your families are terribly strong, but I don't understand why you can't be engaged at this point in time to the man whom you want to marry? Also, can't you have someone ( a brother, sister, cousin or friend) be as a chaperone when you two meet? you shouldn't have to hide from people. I don't know the solution. If you were a westerner, you'd probably elope! But in your situation, that would probably alienate you from both families. God, how sad it is that gossip rules, and families treat children like possessions! My prayers are with you. blessings, SP