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Summary of Question:Betrayed
Category:General Sikhism
Date Posted:Tuesday, 10/27/2009 2:17 PM MDT

What to do when u have been betrayed by a friend ?


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REPLY
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Sat Nam,

A first thought that comes to mind is that we pray for them and try not to send any negative energy their way no matter what they have done.
All sorts of things happen between friends and though some of them are quite painful we always have to ask ourselves whether some things can be reevaluated and potentially healed or fixed in some way.

If you are pretty sure that the betrayal was deliberate it is best not to prolong any karma between the two of you by even showing that it bothers you. Just move on the best way you can with your own life. It means no revenge of any kind not even a discussion of what has happen is necessary. Try not to show your pain or anger on your face or in your actions towards that person. Work it out within yourself by meditating, reading Banis or yoga. Also, talking about it to someone you trust may help as well.

On the other hand if you feel that some of what happened may have been done on an unconscious level more like a mistake or done in a heat of passion you may still have some hope to heal the situation. In that case you have to ask yourself first how important the relationship is to you. Try not to assume right away that the person who betrayed actually hates you. It may not be the case at all. They maybe going though a painful situation in their life as well and not even realize that they are hurting you.

If you still want to work it out wait some time until the pain in you subsides. This way you will not have to bring your anger over it into a discussion but rather approach it with a very rational and cool mind.
Always be clear when you address the issue stating how it made you feel in the most calm and neutral way possible and listen very carefully to what the other person has to say about it.

Either way this is not an easy situation to find yourself in but we have to understand that betrayal may happen in all different stages of our lives. Just the same as we may find ourselves on the other side of it and betray a friend one day too. Learning to deal with it in a most graceful way regardless of what end of the situation you find yourself to be is the best way out. Forgiving yourself and the other person over time maybe the best way to go.

DKK



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