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Summary of Question:	I Feel Ashamed Of Myself -
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 10/25/2001 2:49 PM MDT

I dont know how to address this major problem I have. I am sure people will read with horror, but please, I need some kind of response - even help. I am a student in the UK, living away from home in the North. A few months ago, when I had no money for rent or anything else, I went onto an Internet and started to chat to a guy in a chatroom. Slowly, he extracted information about me (i dont know how it happened) ... and eventually realised i had money problems. HE suggested I went to his apartment and he would give me some money and I would have to do some obscure and intimate favours. Im sure you get the picture. I was really desperate. I needed to pay rent, my College was asking me constantly for fees etc. I agreed to meet the guy and I walked away with enough to eat properly and pay some meoney I owed. After, I felt so dirty and went to the park and just cried - I felt as if every one around me knew what I had done.

The most degrading and shameful thing is that ever since, I have done this 3 more times. The first time, I had no money - nothing. I ate for the first time that day in the evening after I met this guy. I do love God (Although I do not have much understanding of Sikhism background etc) and want to do something so I can be forgiven. Who can I tell? I know alot of people will be horrified but I just cant sit back and forget it. And i most definetly do not want to do this again.

Want THE most shocking thing? I'm male. 20 years old. Sorry if I have offended anyone and sorry I dared to post this message on a reputable website.

xxx and Love to all

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. Dear One, it is awful to be desperate isn't it?

There is NO ONE you have to tell about this, for Waheguru already knows, and he knows you don't want to do this ever again. You are Guru's own lion son, the one you need to forgive is YOURSELF. Guru has already forgiven you. If you decide you need therapy for what you have done, then you can tell a therapist, but no one else NEEDS to know! I recommend that you also get tested ASAP for sexually transmitted diseases of any kind!

Get off the chat scene and have NO more contact with this fellow. I hope he doesn't know where you live. Now move on.

Find a gurdwara community and talk to some sangat there and tell them you are in dire straits and ask can they help you. Forget the 'face' of the situation and just call on sangat. Make an arrangement to live with someone in exchange for some kind of handy work or other service. Make agreements in writing to pay back any loans and make clear to sangat you are a good person and trustworthy.

Call on your extended family for help, but with the idea that you will pay them back or do some kind of regular work exchange.

Another option is to talk to your school counselor, for they always have one, and ask what resources/options are available to get financial help. A third option is to find a social service agency in UK that can offer guidance.

Sikhs must work for what they are given: we don't take handouts. So, if you end up in social services or school services for help, promise yourself you will give back to the community in some way once you are on your feet. The degradation you feel from what you have done is hardly worth what it gave you in $$ or food. It is a bitter lesson you have learned, and I pray you never go through this again. Right now you have to choose that and make it so.

It sounds to me like you are ill-prepared for the realities of living in the real world (managing studies and money) and perhaps you need to drop out, live with your family or a good friend, and just work for a while, to experience the working world.

Put what you did behind you, practice your Naam simran daily to heal your spirit and stabilize your life, and recite at least 11 times daily the shabd "Dhan Dhan Ram Das Gur" -- ask Guru for a way out of your difficulty: this shabd works when nothing else seems to.

Guru rakha and good luck,
DKK