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Summary of Question:	A Tricky Situation
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 6/21/2008 8:22 PM MDT

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

This is a question I have been meaning to ask for a VERY long time (and i mean years and years) but never had the guts too. This is the first time I am typing or putting to words these feelings...

I am a Sikh girl almost old enough to be an adult. For YEARS my mom and I have dealt with my father's.. "Dr. Jekyll , Mr.Hyde" persona to say the least.

Before I start and assumptions are made about a typical alcoholic punjabi father who does not care about his kids, I want to make it clear my dad is not that. The truth is, my dad is a great person and has provided everything for us in life, always instilling and encouraging us to be better people and SIKHS.

However, often after coming home from work.. I would say at least once a week he goes through some sort of rage. He finds small things to get VERY upset about, and takes it out verbally or even worse PHYSICALLY abusing my mom or me. He has at the bare minimum ONE drink a night.

As a kid, I was always frustrated why I would get beaten and none of my younger sisters would. Until today, this continues to frustrate me. On some occasions, his rages are very bad, and in fear of my life I run away , only to be lured back into the house a few hours later in the early hours of the morning by my mom/aunts or uncles/ or even him. Sometimes, my mom and me have to run away in the car, and when we return he either continues to abuse us, acts like NOTHING has happened the next day (only to repeat the mistake again some other time) , and.. he NEVER has apologized.

We have gotten various family members/ friends involved in this, as they come to "calm down" the situation. I was told by an uncle who grabbed my arm pulling me (and my mom) back into the house that whatever my dad does to me is his way of showing his love, and if he hits me its for my own good. He also told me peopleThis uncle is a very kind wise man who I respect, yet why could I not believe what he told me??

How do I confront my dad about this, or what to do in my life? I know my mom has considered divorce... Last night, in a spur of emotions after he verbally abused me (I was also hurt / upset / scared @how he disrespected my mom at a dinner infront of everyone, it was so embarasing) I told him that he has hated me his entire life, and he totally blew that comment out of proportion (in my opinion) and became even MORE crazy. My sister was upset I opened my mouth...but am I supposed to swallow abuse? There is NO good opportunity to say these things the morning after.. I am scared of him.

Initially, the morning after this event and I awoke in a hotel with my mom(i convinced her to go away for the remainder of the night because I was soo scared) I was still very bitter towards him. However, before going to bed (i came back home by 11 am with my mom) I ran to his room and hugged him/cried and told him I was sorry. The room was dark so I could not see his face, but he half hugged me back and told me I have to "make my mom understand.. (basically blaming her even though shes innocent)" I changed the topic and quickly said "I am worried about your health" and he said with much ego "I am fine nothing is going to happen"

...Now, why do I feel regrets for this apology as I sit here? Evil thoughts are entering my mind like "he has used every single swear word at you, when you did NOTHING to be blamed"

I know the story was long, I apologize for that, but this is the first time i am really revealing any of my abuse to the "outside" world, and I guess its just a whirlwind of emotions.

How do I deal with this problem? I don't even feel its TOTALLY alcohol related, the alcohol is just use as a way to excuse his real attitude/depression/frustration??

Sat Nam, and thank you

<<<<< REPLY >>>>>

Wahe Guru Ji ka Khalsa
Wahe Guru Ji ki Fateh!

You are in a situation of manipulation and control. Everything that happens in your life is a lesson from the Guru. Your father is Guru Gobind Singh Ji and your mother is Mata Sahib Kaur Ji - always and forever. You are a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh. Now is the time to rise up and answer the call. Now is the time to stop reacting in your emotions and to stop letting yourself be manipulated.

How?

Consciously offer this situation to Guru Ji. Do your matha thake and give your abuse to the Guru and tell him, "I do not want this any more. It is now yours." When you bow, your offering is not the few rupees you place before Guru Ji. Your offering is YOURSELF. Consciously make that offering and open your heart to your True Father and Mother. Remember: How happy you are is inversely proportional to how much time you spend thinking about your own predicament in life. Let Guru Ji arrange all your affairs. Live in love and surrender yourself completely to him.

Much love and many blessings to you in the Name of the Guru, the Light of every Sikh, and the Holy Naam which holds the world.

.....G