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Summary of Question:	I Need Help
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 3/05/2003 8:53 PM MST

Fateh.

Hi, I don't know how to start this.
The problem I am having is that about 7 months before I was involved with a guy. This guy became really special to me and we ended up kissing each other & all. We had this communication problem and everytime I tried to talk to him he just ignored me, because I said some mean things to him because of a missunderstanding and after that he just started ignoring me. He got so close to me and till this day I can't erase him from my memory. He just never listened to me and that caused me so much frustration. He just told me leave him alone, but that just made even more confused and since then its just been a communication breakdown.
The thing was that we didn't know each other so much but ended up in a relationship. After a while I heard some things about him and I got so scared.

I don't know but it was a big mess. I feel so dirty and used. I feel like there is no such thing as true love other than the love my Waheguru gives me & everyone. I used to cry so much before but now I have stopped but it still hurts. I feel like I was used and then thrown away. I feel like I've made a big fool & joke out of myself. I'm into sikhi thanks to that I was saved because if it wasn't for Waheguru and my Guru then I would've done something stupid to get rid of the guilt, shame, hurt. I feel really tensed always and everyday. There is not one day that I don't think of this person who is responsible for my hurt. Not one day I feel bad inside. Not one day I don't cry. It really hurts so much that now I have become so sensitive to my environment. I'm even having problems communicating properly. Sometimes I feel like I should just not even talk. I don't know. Sometimes when I am doing prayers/path I break out in tears and cry out to Waheguru. Does He listen? I feel like I just want to meet Waheguru and want His love. I can't even talk to anyone about this cause I don't want to and noone here I can talk to and I know that whats done is done and nothing can be done about it. You guys are really good because you help so much by giving your beautiful advice. I guess it was my past bad karams which I had to pay for and what Waheguru does is the best way for me.

Is there anything special I can do to avoid the stress, tenseness and hurt I feel at times?

Thnks
God Bless

(REPLY) Sat Nam. You have really answered your own question when you say, "what's done is done." The problem is, you don't want to let go of the past, and until you do, you'll continue to feel sorry for yourself. Obviously, the relationship was a mistake, and you feel hurt by this guy. But let's face it, it's OVER! You've got to move on with your life, and hopefully, not get involved again until it's the right person, in the right circumstances. This sort of thing happens to girls all the time, because we don't understand that guys look upon sex entirely differently from the way we think of it as "love." You were emotionally involved, but the guy was not. It's just that simple. It's painful, but it's a lesson you chose to go through, and hopefully you've learned it, so it won't happen again. To get rid of stress, tension, and depression, there are so many meditations you can do, so many shabds you can recite, you need to realize that the "feelings" are not who you are, and they can be changed, just like you change the channel on the TV set to a different program! So, try switching from misery and drama to something delightful -- and keep switching your thoughts and feelings every time the old misery tries to take over. Meditate on Sat Nam and/or Wahe Guru, and feel the presence of God in you with each inhalation. Don't waste your time feeling bad about yourself --- everyone makes mistakes, it's not the end of the world. Move on, and spend your time with the Guru (reading from Siri Guru Granth Sahib) and on the human level, see if you can find some charity work (do you know the concept of seva?)you can do and you'll find plenty of people in need of help, so you can forget about your personal feelings. Helping others is part of our life as Sikhs. Also, realize that in time, your feelings will change. You can speed up the time by taking positive steps as suggested. Try it. I wish you well. May God and Guru bless you with awareness of your True Self. SP