Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Family Does Not Approve
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Saturday, 8/03/2002 7:23 AM MDT

WAHE GURU JI KA KHALSA!

WAHE GURU JI KI FATEH!
I cannot count the number of times this forum has proved handy in lending a helping hand whenever i am at sixes and sevenes.The worth of this forum is a lot to talk about and this has been due to the sheer blessings of GURU JI and the attitude of you people.May guru ji be always be with you!
As of me, i am in some doubt again!and i hope that someone here will help me sail through

I come from a family which has a mixed culture -hindu and sikhism.many atimes during the year we have the SRI akhand path- ceremonila reading of the entire SRI GURU GRANTH SAHIB at our home and whenever there are things., like naming a child my family again rings at GURU JI's house but still we are not turbaned and have hindu names.
Inspite of such devotion to sri guru( although they consider it just a ritual), the love for gurbani is scarce.there is no nitnem etc. by any member . We are well- off businessmen, the belief that whatever time is there must be spend for business - growth and so."work is woorship" is of paramount importance in our family and anything else behind this invites a cold shoulder. To remain attached to sri guru is not taught in the building years of a child.
I was also a witness to a same upbringing( now i am 21m).but somehow guruji
showered some blessings on me to have a chance to see something behind this maya,in the sense that i came a little closer to sikhism.when my doom days were here sri guru was my support. during the turmoil years of my life there was no one but sri guru sahib, so i developed a strong devotion to sri guru.i used to frequent gurudawara sahib for seva etc.
i also picked to read gurbani on my own, and due to his kirpa, i was also worthy of company of a friend who was strong gursikh. so i developed a taste of gurbani( this was a taste for the soul). Slowly this permeated my body and spirit.a stage was there that when i missed the early morninngs , i was half mad during the day.
But my family didnot like all this. I got no support from my family, i was alone to practice my devotion.They were afraid that i would become a "baba"
and would leave studies and become aperson who would be of no economic value for them. My visiting gurudawara sahib, reading and listening gurbani or doing seva invites wild condempt.Many i times i have to cover up my devotional means.My father thinks that a person should turn towards the spiritual side only when is has a leg in the grave and doing paath pooja is something just out of question for him. he says that he has grown me up to develop a strong business empire rather then become a gyani dhyani.He apprehends that i would not be normal person. Many i times during the past year i was forced to dispense with my nitnem gutka and gurbani cassastes.
I cannot but weap at the state of affairs. My arguments carry no value.i try to explain him that in no case would my bhakti affect my engg. studies and i would turn out to be a better person then what they expect out of me, but my arguments fall on deaf ears.
i do promise them my efforts in strengthening the business and creating a strong base after i graduate as an engineer .
Even my brothers tease me when i grow up they will open you a gurudawara and that will be my income. these things demotivate a person a lot , particularly when in the front of a family gathering(we are a joint big family).
My worth is questioned at and my parents hold the view that earlier i was a normal person but turning to gurbani has done no good to me
Tey rebuke me and also condem me in front of others for this.
I am at crossroads,my turning to gurbani invites a cold shoulder every now and then.How can dispense with a thing that as valueable as this breath which is flowing.I love my parents a lot so whenever i visit gurudwara sahib or read gurbani now, i strong element of guilt creaps in that the happiness of my family doesnot lie in this.But my life is in guru's feet.the longing to remain attched is very strong buti cannot trade off one thing for the other .This guilt just not lets me lead a gursikh life.i feel my devotion is under scrutiny every now and then.Even during reading of gurbani i am not able to concentrate, i donot get the food fot my soul.
i am apprehensive about the future , in no case i can depart with my guru
and my family would not approve and since the rythym of my soul to beat with gurbani is so strong that it would not be long before i become a keshdhari sikh.
but what will my family and relatives think then and will they approve?( i should not be saying this!)
and also since i am not keshdahri, i donot have the helping hand of a good sangat. A sangat doesnot appeal much of a person who is not like them in atleast apperance etc.
i hope that somehow , some where things would be fine and i would do chant,
chant with my FAMILY the holy name of lord without displeasing anybody.

a gursikh who needs some counselling

ANSWER: Courage comes from within...You already show this courage as what you do manifests itself in the conflict in you...Yet your answer is in front of you.
DO not be guilty for what you know is true. Go with your heart.

I too have both roots...at some point in time my grandfather CHOSE to become a sikh...not just culturally but spiritually as well. He talked about the cold shoulder...and the family running away and calling him names. Yet you become part of the khalsa family... we are here for you as brothers and sisters.

Over time his family discovered that he was a better person and started to love him back...in the meantime he became a soldier, married a Sikh and raised a strong sikh family that learned to live with faith more than culture. Go to the gurudwara tell people that you are in need of support and that you are a sikh...perhaps you might even consider a turban...Watch how many people come to support you.

I here support you all the way..not because we want more sikhs but because what you feel and do is with your heart and it is the calling of the guru.

SSM
(ANOTHER REPLY)May God and Guru bless you with the courage to keep your head firmly at the feet of the Guru! Remember that even Guru Nanak was slandered and ridiculed by people who did not understand him! You must be true to yourself, your highest self which recognizes that you belong to the Guru and the Guru belongs to you. "It's not the life that matters, it's the courage that you bring to it" Faith moves mountains -- keep up and you will be kept up! SP