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Summary of Question:	Not Sure About What Kind Of Relationship Is Right
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 8/15/2001 4:47 PM MDT

I have always beleved that God works in various ways. Everything that happens or will happen in your life, is because of his 'hukam'. Then who's to say who's right & who's wrong. In this world, where ladies specially are being abused in every aspect of the word, does it not make sense to find someone who you respect & who respects you enough & keep you happy? Or would you say that that relationship is wrong too? what if that other person actually brings you closer to God?

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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal. You are right: who are we to judge anyone? in Siri Guru Granth, Kabeer Ji tells us that when we criticize or judge another, we criticize or judge the Creator Himself.

it sounds like you are female. As a woman and a Sikh, I can say it ONLY makes sense to find someone who respects you does not abuse you. No Sikh, male OR FEMALE, should live with abuse. In fact, as a Sikh woman, you are in your rights to DEFEND yourself against anyone who abuses you, whether it is your father or husband! (Sometimes, the best defense is leaving the situation for good!)

Moreover, marrying a partner who is devoted and displined in their daily spiritual practice can often help the other take up daily observance of spiritual discipline. No one but Guru can make us 'closer' to God. HOWEVER, another person can influence the choices we make to act, daily and devotedly, to keep our own spiritual discipline.

I think the main criteria for a life partner should be the accord on the things that matter most to you. for example, if one's level spiritual practice or devotion is most important to you (as it is to me), find a partner who meets your criteria in this way. or find a partner who show by their actions nothing but respect for women. Caste, class, and race should never matter.

I hope this helps.,
guru ang sang,
--DKK