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Summary of Question:	Part 2 - Telling My Parents I Want To Marry
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 11/26/2009 3:00 AM MST

Dear Sikh Net

I messaged you regarding help and advise on how to tell my parents I want to marry a boy who is not the same caste as me (he is kamboh sikh) and I tols my parents and they went mad!

They said it will never happen - Jatt dont marry out of caste and they will never alow it. they didnt even want to know about the family coz they are not jatt! didnt even care abour what I want and how I feel. The boy can be a drug dealer, smoke and a alcoholic as long as hes jat its ok! I just dont know what to do.

I have been with my bf for a year and now I feel theres no point going on as my parents will never agree, they says we will never go lower that jatt.

Please help I just dont know what to do - I am having suicide thoughts and dont no if its worth living any more

LK

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REPLY
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Sat Nam,

We can tell you what you want to hear but it may not help.
You have lots and lots of things to consider here. Of course all the Sikh Gurus were against Cast System and wanted equality for everyone but still not everyone lives by these ideas.
Every one's reality of this kind of situation is different and this same question comes up a lot. Lots of people can not defy their parents because their life is quite connected and dependent on them, others don't care much and do what they want. It all depends of what is really the most important thing for us in any difficult circumstance.

When you have to face strong issues like that both of you have to reach deep down into your soul and decide what you want to do. Will you stand by each other no matter what? Go through all the calamities of the situation together no matter what ? Deal with all the pain of this together even if you had to lose contact with your parents and still survive as a couple ?? Can you trust one another to be that strong for the themselves and the other person ? Are you strong enough to stand alone, without your parents, support yourself financially and in every other way and declare your love for each other independent of all the forces in the world ?

You are already having doubts about this which to me means that the relationship is not meant to be. Perhaps you are actually not ready for this kind of commitment or something in you deep inside knows that this person is not for you.
Relationships and marriages are very hard and difficult to keep together even without major problems like yours. You need to look at your circumstances with a strong objective mind and weigh it all out.

Nobody here can fix it for you or tell your parents what to do or how to think. Important thing to remember is that your life belongs to you. What ever choices you make for yourself, whether they have been influenced by your parents, anyone else or even your own feelings of passion, are still entirely your responsibility and you will carry the consequences of any action you take. Whether you do what anyone else tells you or make your own mistakes makes no difference if you keep blaming someone else for all that happens.

Perhaps you should wait, let yourself mature, realize who you are and what you truly need in life, not just what you want or what other people want for you. Things will seem very different from mature and responsible point of view. If this young man is truly in love with you he will wait for you. He will need to figure out all the same things about himself and see if his heart is still telling him to be with you no matter what ... to support you and his family even if the whole world is against him.

Anything is possible in this world but nothing is easy.

DWK