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Summary of Question:A Choice Between My Parents And Sikhi ?
Category:General Sikhism
Date Posted:Monday, 4/30/2001 11:14 AM MDT


I`ve started to learn about Sikhi. Reading books, attending Sikhi class, going to the gurudwara regularly, listening to kirtan....etc.

I have not cut my kesh, because I would like to wear a dastar, eventually. I do not know if I could ever become a Sikh, but if I never try, I will never know.

Anyway, yesterday my father gave me an ultimatum.......

1 - If I want to wear a dastar and become religious I must find somewhere else to live........and he will disown me......and may divorce my mother...or

2- Stay in the family, not become a sikh....only go to the gurudwara once every 2 months for 10 minutes, as a symbolic gesture.

My father (a dominant figure) is anti-religion, anti-sikh, and thinks that if we live in england we must live like the natives and become absorbed into their culture. He does not believe in any kind of community. Religious people to him all have some sort of emotional problems and cannot think for themselves.

He is good friends with Mr Ujal Dosangh (the Premier of British Columbia in Canada).

He has no problem with either my cousin sister or brother having married fact he is proud of them.

I love and respect my parents.

I have tried to take things step by step and not rush into anything.

Most of my relatives are typical punjabies, believe in caste system & "jatt culture".. etc.

I have no problem with the way they live their lives, but i am called an "extremist" by them.

I am not even 1% of a sikh yet. They are all so far away from Sikhi.

To them life is all about who has the most money, biggest house, best car,etc.

At the moment I`m torn between the two most important things in my life. I want to keep them both.

What should I do ?

Please critisize me if i have done anything wrong.

Do you know of anyone else who has been through a similar dilemma ?

Feel free to tell others, because these kind of problems must be talked about not kept secret.

Any way i`ve plenty of simran to be getting on with.


with sadness

confused (23yr old, male)

P.S. To round things off, my father`s father was a giani, and you`ve guessed it.... they didn`t get on with each other!
Dear one, greetings to you in the Name of God the light of every soul and in the Name of Guru, the life of every Sikh.

Have you ever read the Siri Guru Granth Sahib? It speaks over and over again how our relations through their emotional attachments rob us of our truth.

Do not get me wrong. I am not telling you to disrespect your father. What I am saying is that our parents without devotional practices of their own, are our test. The Guru also says that the person of God liberates his/her family's seven generations past and future in both directions.

So, if you really love your father, then the best benefit you can give to him is his liberation as you pursue your spiritual longing. As your progress is being impeded by his attitude, what further benefit is there for you in this house?

You can very gracefully and non confrontationally move on. Your father's values are not yours. You have been blessed by God himself with the consciousness of this grace. Guru Gobind Singh and God is your true father. Let them help you. You can walk forward without fear, for God Himself has you in His care. Both Guru Arjan Dev and Guru Teg Bahadur and the Sahibzada's(4 sons of Guru Gobind Singh) faced their oppressors with grace and a smile.

Here you must simply walk into your own identity rather than take on a false identity of the world. Some day, your father may wake up and realize how long he has been asleep. Again, everything is in the hands of God, so take care of yourself and do not loose yourself in worry or guilt. Bless your father and be grateful that you are you.

God bless you and keep up! SKKK

Read the English translation of Jap Ji Sahib for the next 90 days at: http// Do this recitation out loud and listen to what the meaning is of your words. Learn how the Guru can guide your every day events

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