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Summary of Question:	I Dont Know What To Do
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Monday, 5/06/2002 9:50 AM MDT

recently i accidentally found some innappropriate material on my fathers laptop, i cant stop thinking about it, whenever i see my dad i am reminded on it, especially when i see my mum and am talking to her i get a sinking feeling in my stomach, like he has betrayed her and it is my fault for keeping the secret in. i keep thinking about it during the day, i dont know what to do, if i tell someone it will mess up the family, things will never be the same, but i cant keep on holding it in all the time it is gonna mess me up. most of my mates dads at school do it as well, but they are not sikh, i want to do something, but anything i do will ruin relationships with the family. what can i do??? is it normal for adults to do this and i am over reacting, or is this a serious thing?? either way how can i stop thinking about it, i have tried meditating it has not helped.

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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

God bless you, dear. This is a tough one.

First, remember that people are people and it takes a lot of character and courage to do the right thing. A lot of men, especially with the age of the Internet, view inappropriate material on their computers. It indulges the poison of lust, and it does create damage in the married relationship, even if the woman doesn't know about it. It is not healthy to look at this material-either psychologically or spiritually. But because we live in a culture where women, by and large, are not held in the highest respect, this type of behavior is often ignored and not confronted.

So-now you've come to a moment of growing up. Understand one thing: your parents are not perfect and their married relationship is something that is between the two of them. This is NOT your problem, and there is no reason for you to take action to solve it. Let me repeat the statement. Your parents' married relationship is between the two of them and it is not the place of a child (no matter what his or her age) to interfere. This is their issue, their karma and Guru is guiding their marriage. You didn't cause this issue, you cannot control this issue, nor can you solve this issue.

However, you are experiencing anguish in the face of this situation. So-what do you need to do to find peace within yourself? Do you have the kind of relationship with your father where you can take him aside and talk to him very frankly about how upsetting it was to find what you found on the computer? If that kind of communication is not possible, is there a trusted man in your community that you can talk to? You need to find a way to process your own emotions around this. To just let it sit inside you is not healthy.

It is very difficult to find that the people we love the most sometimes behave in ungraceful ways. It is even more painful when someone we love may be doing something that hurts another person we love. You have the power of prayer in this situation-you can pray that God brings healing and peace to the people involved. But you cannot fix this. Focus on keeping yourself balanced in the face of it. Talk to people you trust. Continue to meditate even when it seems its not working. And read from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. The Guru has a lot to say about Maya and how to not get caught in the trap of it.

Bless you, dear.

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh.

Sincerely,

GPK