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Summary of Question:	Confused Part 2
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 11/14/2005 12:38 PM MST

WJKK

WJKF
Hello, I've written to the forum just a short time ago with the topic named "confused" and now I have even a bigger problem. I did do some thinking and decided to go ahead and forget about my past relationship that I had and I had mentioned in my previous post that my family and I are deciding to go back to India for my marriage.

Well everything has been set and we are leaving here next week and it will be an arranged marriage but with no pressure on me. My family has given me the choice of having the final decision. I respect that they're doing that.

My problem is that every couple of days I start arguing with my parents & family for the most stupid reason ever. I end up yelling, shouting, screaming, crying and in the end: I go into my room and cry until I can't cry anymore. I then start to pray to Waheguru and then automatically start crying (all of this for some reason I can't figure out).

I am happy that my family is doing so much for me i.e., buying me things for marriage, helping me financially etc. etc. but I just can't figure out why I act the way I do. The same thing happened today and at the time I think it's everyone else's fault except mine but later I feel bad that it was all my fault because I was the one acting immature. My dad said that I should change my attitude because if I start acting like this when we're in India everyone is going to say & think that I'm crying over my ex-bf (which everyone knew about but all my family broke up our relationship on purpose--that's what "confused" post was about). But honestly, I'm over what happend. I cannot explain why I am feeling so weak, helpless, and depressed??

Marriages are supposed to have a happy mood to them but in my house I'm making things bad. My mom ended up crying today because she said that she is afraid I will make her and my dad look bad in front of all our family if I keep acting this way. I told them that I'm not doing this on purpose and that it just happens and I can't control myself. My dad then said someone must have done black magic and "tweets" on me because I have never acted this way and now it seems as if I've gone completely mad & mental. My dad also is saying that it's all because of my bad "karma." God is making all of this happen...it's a bad time in our life. But I don't understand that.

Is there any paath I can do to help me calm myself because I've tried to pray and focus on praying but nothing is working. I'm in desperate need of help. I would really appreciate it. I'm leaving this coming Sunday so please it's urgent.

---reply
Your family is "buying" you beautiful things, but they will not make you happy.
It seems from what you have said, and it is hard without talking to you more and getting more information from you, that you need time to heal from your past relationship; you need time to be quiet and meditate on your life and what you want for your self. It seems like you are jumping from one thing to another quite quickly without time to adjust and "regroup" as we say. When you are in a close relationship, your aura merges with that other person and becomes like one. Now, your aura has to reestablish itself, so you will know who you are again and feel your security again. Meditation is good, exercise is good and spending time with your self, without pressures to make a life-time decision. Until you reestablish your self again, any decision will probably not be a wise and lasting one. Blessings. GTKK