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Summary of Question:	Will The Guru Even Forgive Me...
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 8/08/2004 1:32 PM MDT

SSA...

belonging to a traditional Gursikh family and being fed on the same,
I have acted in a most sinful manner.

My sin being, When i was in love, i got carried away, and lost my senses and didn`t really care for being not a virgin, cos I thought i was in a blissful state of love...please do not consider it as lust.

But however, we could never tie the knot...so life went on.

after a year or so, it started to eat me out...and i attempted killing myself...
seeking forgiveness, but that quite didnt work out well, it more or less ashamed me all the more...

I don`t know... it`s been many years now..
Now even thinking about sex, puts me off, and i cant concentrate on getting married, cos i till date feel Babas eyes on me...

Though i do my naam simran, my daily paaths... still......

some where deep down, am guilty...

My heart cries out at my past actions...I guess, it wont stop crying till as long as the Baba himself forgives me...

Would the Lord ever forgive me?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. Your question is impossible to answer, because you are the only one who can forgive yourself. If you choose to wallow around in guilt for the rest of your life, that is your choice, but it's a waste of this precious life. Yes, you made a major mistake, yes, you acted wrongly. There is no way to go back and change the past. But if you dwell on the past, you will have no future, and you are already experiencing how miserable you are in the present because this act of yours is still too much a part of your thinking. God loves us all, in spite of our deeds and misdeeds. We suffer from wrong actions, because the Law of Karma brings a reaction to every action. If you want to be happy in the future, then start doing things to help other people, continue with your Nam Simran, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. And by the way, it was definitely lust and that is why you have the guilt. Don't try to white-wash the action, but be grateful that it's over and done and you have learned that it is a mistake you won't ever repeat. You are punishing yourself needlessly. Get over it. Recite ANG SANG WAHE GURU and remind yourself that God is with you all the time. Live as an example of a graceful Khalsa woman. By the way, sex can be a most wonderful experience between husband and wife -- your revulsion in thinking about it now is because of your guilt and the circumstances of the past. Get over it. You can do it. Pray to Guru Ram Das, the Lord of Miracles. DHAN DHAN RAM DAS GUR...