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Summary of Question:How Should A Gursikh 'Choose' A Wife?
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Wednesday, 6/03/2009 5:54 AM MDT

I would like to know how a gursikh should be approaching the marriage stage of his/her life.

I am not a gursikh, but trying to be a gursikh. For a bit of background information, I do not cut my hair, wear a paag am a veggie and do not drink or smoke. I have not been blessed with amrit yet, but God-willing, I would like this to happen in this human life. I struggle on doing paath but my intention is to do it and I am trying to do ardaas to God to help me on this issue.

I am 27 years old and would like to settle down. In my mind, I have a fairly good idea of what qualities I would like in my future wife. There are essential qualities, and other nice-to-have qualities.

My question is in regards to “choosing” your partner when being introduced to girls or when meeting girls for the purpose of getting married. I say ‘choosing’ lightly as I am sure Guru and Waheguru already know who we will be with and what is going to happen. This is already decided and written right? But obviously, we don’t know this.

So how should a gursikh approach this stage in his/her life? What is the ‘Sikh’ thing to do? Do you say 'yes' to the first person that agrees to marry you (providing they meet all the main requirements you are looking for in a partner. In my case, some of these are not to cut her hair, vegetarian, doesn’t smoke or drink, wants to take amrit if not already done so, fits in with the family, kind, caring, etc). There are other things I would like my partner to have, such as good understanding of the panjabi language and culture, have certain hobbies and interests, similar music tastes, etc. I guess these maybe classed as little things or maybe I am nit-picking? Is this being too greedy or wanting too much if I also would like my partner to have these things? Or should a true Sikh be humble and accept someone who says they will love you for who you are? Should a true sikh accept the first person that asks you if they can be a part of your life (providing they meet all the main requirements)?

If you can answer these questions individually, that would be great... and the ones below as well!

Also, as mentioned before, Guru has decided who we will marry… but we don’t know who that person is! So how will we know? Are we meant to know this?

How does a hukamnama work in this scenario? E.g. If I wanted to get guidance and advice, and take a hukamnama, how will I know what a yes or no answer is? Is this a good idea?

If you are unsure about what to do, what is the best thing to do? Is it best to play it safe and say ‘no’ as you are not sure enough to say ‘yes’?

Is it wrong to say ‘no’ to someone if they want to be a part of your life and would like to be with you (assuming they are or wanting to be gursikh or on that path)?

Is it wrong to look around and see what kind of people are out there or should you talk to one person at a time? I have joined various sites (including yours!) and family are also looking.

How important is chemistry? And how much importance should you place on a persons view on sex within marriage? Or is this something that is personal to each person?

As you can probably tell, I am totally confused… I hope you can help me clear this confusion. I just want to do what is right in the eyes of God and Guru.

I always look at people's questions regarding marriage on here and did do a search but could not find any other posts which addresses this specific issue. Apologies if any of these questions are repeated.

Thank you very much for your time
There is no such thing as a SOUL MATE. There are actually many possibilities and you actually do get to choose. When you do your daily Path and take a daily hukam from Wahe Guru you get support and clarity. Dedicate yourself to the daily recitaation of SHABD HAZARE. Find your happiness and get clear within yourself of what supports you in your life. The confusion will disappear when you are feeling strength and clarity. Keep a journal and daily write what Guru guides you...and your refections and the qualities of a woman that will support you. Be patient and let is all unfold. SK

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