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Summary of Question:	Realtionship Break Up
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 4/26/2007 3:17 AM MDT

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

I have a question regarding relationships. There were many questions answered on this forum but nothin too specific to me so I hope that I'm not wasting your time.
Over a year ago I met a girl, who was same religion/cast/age as me. i was attracted to her in an instance but never mentioned anything as i didn't think she was interested. it turned out she liked me and as a result we got togehter at universtiy. we were madly in love with each other and didn't care about anything as i thought that i was going to marry this girl. however this year we moved apart. this had a major strain on our relationship. constant fighting, arguing and abusing each other caused us to break up. i never wanted this. four months have passed since the break up. during this time we tried to remain friends but it lead to more fights. i have never ever physically harmed this girl, and i never would. but recently the heat of the fights got too much and i got very abusive towards her. as a result this girl no longer talks to me at all. i treid calling/e-mailing and doing everything in my power. eventually she answered the phone to me...all i wanted is to apologise and to say that i understand if you never want to speak to me. she in turn told me of how much i hurt her and that she pretty much hates me. i cant bare this thought, once upon a time i loved this girl so much and still to this day i would come running at her beckon call.

Im not proud of what i did during our troubled times...but what do i do? there is no way i can get her to be my friend when that is truely somethin that i want. she says she doesnt value me as a friend. next year there is a possibility of us running into each other as we will be back at university studiying for a year, as it stands we will just have to walk past each other, i do not want this, i really wanted to be friends.
recently i have found myself listening to a lot of gurbani, and although i do not entirely understand it, it helps soothe my mind. at the same time i can't stop thinking of all i did wrong to this girl and i just want to punish myself for doing wrong.

Is there anythin you suggest i do? i'm not particularly religious and do not read punjabi....recently i have listened to the daily translations of the hukamnama, and this has helped me understand, but i just want to know what to do next with this girl, she is a fellow sikh sister, i do not want her to hate me.
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

S. Singh
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reply
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My dear,
You must forgive yourself first. There is a shabd for happiness that you must recite every day that you can get on SIKHNET. Mangala Saaj Bai-aa, prabh apanaa gaii-aa Raam........." and so on.

Please recite this shabd eleven times every day for the next 3 months. Each time you complete the 11 recitations, then say out loud:

"In the Name of Siri Guru Granth Sahib I bless and forgive myself"
"I bless and forgive myself, I bless and forgive myself".
"In the Name of Siri Guru Granth Sahib I bless and forgive__________(Her name)
"I bless and forgive_________ I bless and forgive____________.

You must let go of her for now and let her and you heal. I am very sorry that this happened, but it is important that you understand how to control your emotions.
God is giving you this opportunity.

Blessings to you,
SKKK