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Summary of Question:	Confused
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 8/13/2004 3:11 PM MDT

Vaheguru Jee Kaa Khalsa Vaheguru Jee Kee Fateh!!

Whilst at university i met what i thought would be my future husband. We got know each other as friends and eventually became soul mates. After i left university i realised that my feeling for this person had become stronger and realised that i wanted to marry this person. The feelin was mutual.

I approached my mother and informed her that i had met someone that i think i could possibly marry. So my parents went over to his house to meet the family etc.... they very much liked the family.

I have strong beliefs in my faith as i have been brought to learn teh sikh ways of liife and have really enjoyed going to teh gurdwara and learning about sikh history.

During university my soul mate told me that his parents believe in something else and do not go to the gurdwara. However he made it clear that he does not believe in what his parents believe in. He is like me we both enjoy going to the gurdwara and learnin about sikhism. At university i did not dwell on the situation to much however was a little worried because i knew my parents may not agree with what his parents believe.

During a phone call between my mum and his mum my mum asked about their beliefs and she openly said that they go to this place in Birmingham that believe in darshani das. Being naive i have never heard of this place. My mum was shocked to hear this as this went against her belief. After the conversation my mum had a very serious conversation with me and told me that would not fit into a family like that as both families beliefs are so different.
However she said that she said that she will always respect any decision i make however she will feel anxious if i marroed into that family.

I feel confused and am looking for some guidance. I have met someone who i am in love with and want to marry. I'm scared of what i might be going into as i do not agree this darshni das's views.

I appreciate your thoughts and woud like some info on this place in brum

(REPLY) Sat Nam. If you are sure that your intended husband shares your religious convictions and practices, and your family likes him, then my personal opinion is that before making a lifelong commitment you must discuss very thoroughly with him that you will marry him, but that he must not expect you to involve with his parents beliefs. We can respect other people's beliefs -- from a distance! I understand that in social and cultural circumstances, this could be a difficult challenge, but if you can marry the man, and not marry his family, then you can succeed. You also need to discuss very honestly how you will raise your children, and how you will NOT want them confused by his parents' beliefs. May God bless you and Guru guide you with wisdom and compassion, SP