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Summary of Question:	Urgent Help About Sex
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 10/23/2005 4:50 PM MDT

I have sex problems with my husband. Most of the time my hubby is so selfish. He always want me to satisfy him and don't care about my feelings and desire. We are married for almost 3 years. I can count how many times he kissed and hugged me. I would do everything to make him happy. I do all the dirty job for him and he like it very much. But when I tell him to kiss my lips, he said I dont like it. That really hurts. He doesnt even kiss my forehead. I talked to him for few times about this problems and he don't care. I told him if he continue doing this to me I might go the wrong way. Seeking love and pleasure from other man. He start scolding me. Saying all the dirty words. After his work is done, he turned his face and sleep peacefully and I end-up crying and masturbate myself which I hate the most. While having sex with my hubby I always imagine someone is licking or kissing me. I think of all the stupid things to satify myself. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I have been doing this for the past three years and I am so addicted to it. Please help me, how can I stop doing this disgusting thing. We are also trying to get a baby and its not working. I dont know why. When I tell my hubby to consult a doctor and he refused. Because it is costly. He said when god want to give he will give it. Please help me. I tried doing paath, also failed. I just can't concentrate on paath. Please help me to solve this problem. I wan to stop masturbating. Will mastubating stopped me from getting pregant?

<<<<< REPLY >>>>>

Sat Nam, dear one. This is not a sex problem. It is an intimacy problem. Your satisfying yourself is a natural reaction to your husband's inability to be intimate with you. Satisfying yourself is not a problem, and it will not prevent you from getting pregnant. It is neither nasty nor disgusting. It is natural under your circumstances. However, it would be much more joyful if your husband could be intimate with you and if you could honestly communicate with each other. There is a deeper issue here and that is the lack of intimacy and honest, direct communication between you and your husband. Is he willing to admit that there is a problem and to work on it with you? If so, there is a meditation you can do together to help, but he must be a willing participant. If he is open to this, let me know. Otherwise, if he is not willing to discuss this and work on it, then what remains is the power of your prayer. Three prayers are the most powerful and can move the mountains: the Guru's prayer, the mother's prayer, and the prayer of the beloved. It is not the prayer of the wife... it is the prayer of the beloved. Love is the key. If you can honestly open your heart to your husband, without rancor or anger, then your prayers will work. Your prayer must be that his heart opens to you. But that will not work unless your heart is open to him first. Even the most selfish man can change by Guru's grace. Start by doing Sukhmani paath every day for HIM.... dedicate your Sukmani paath to him and when you finish, close your eyes and open your heart completely and pray to Guru Ji that your husband's heart may open to you and your marriage may be saved. It is only through your kindness that this change can happen.

May Guru bless you and heal your marriage.

.....G